Well i have never "blogged" before but i have always kept a journal and i think this is kinda the same thing.
Life lately has been pretty dificult for me as I am a full time caregiver for my husbands Grandfather who has had a heart attack and 2 strokes in the last 10 months. Until January of this year he drove, bathed himself, prepared his own meals, pretty much self reliant. Then in a matter of one month he is totally dependent on me and my husband. He no longer uses the bathroom, shaves his own face, and can walk but barely. Therefore I am starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home. Please don't get me wrong I would change nothing, execpt his health of course but not my decision to take care of him, the alternative is a nursing home and I don't believe in them and I made my hubby a promise years ago that I would not let that happen. So here I am and the hubby try's to help but.... you know how that goes.
To make matters worse, not only can I not leave the house because of his condition but he no longer likes my family. My sister has tried to come here twice and he has thrown a fit both times, the first time they stayed the night here for one night and he threw them out. Within days of them leaving he professed his sorrow for the way that he acted and assured me that if they decided to come back that he would have no problems with it and we moved past it.
This last weekend my brother in law got a phone call that his best friend from here has lost his wife to cancer. So they packed up and headed in. Luckely my nephew has recently moved in the house right next door to me. We didn't want to bother grandpa so they planned on staying next door with him. Thank god we did that because when my sister walked over here after the services to smoke a cigerette on the porch and tell me about the service, and wouldn't you know it but he threw a fit again. He asked me what the hell those people were doing here. Told me that he told them once not to come here don't they get the hint. That he was gonna buy a gun to keep them away if he had to. He also told me that I was welcome to go with them if I insist on having them here because he can live with or with out me.
Needless to say this left me in tears, not only do i have to tell my sister AGAIN that she is not aloud in my house because I can't stand to hear him yell, but now I have to go change the diaper of the man that just screamed at me for 3 hours. How do you do that? Belittle, and scream, and curse at that person that is your every meal, every pill, every drink, all your clothing, every bill, EVERYTHING!! I will never understand it. Everyone says that he doesn't know what he is talking about that I can't take it personnaly, how can't I? He targets my sister and me!
