Ballz's blog: "Life"

So was the 70's like this? Did my parents have to wonder and worry about the same things I do? Was the world a better place back then? Was the news just as negative and make you say hmmmmmm everyday? I don't think so, I guess I will have to call my parents today. I seen on the news the other day about a man killing his wife and 4 children here in Mason. What the hell is wrong with people? Why did he snap? How could someone do this to their family? Yes this happens everyday, all over this country. We seem to be blind to it until hit hits close to home. Then we wonder, we think, we feel remorse for everyone involved, including the crazy dad. I am pretty sure back in the 70's, the only thing you had to worry about was a serial killer or two. Not your own family I see on the news everyday how there is a killing here and there all over this city. Even on streets I walked so many times as a kid. Places I would hang out all of the time. How have we allowed our neighborhoods to become such a joke? Who is to blame for this madness? Doesn't anyone respect anything anymore? NO. Does anyone remember the movie Escape from New York back in the 80's with Kurt Russell playing the lovable Snake Plisskin? I can remembering watching that when I was young thinking how crazy it would be to live that way. Guess what? We do. Does money have everything or anything to do with it? Do we all live too far beyond our means? Yes and Yes. Surely if everyone had plenty of cash or if money wasn't as important as it is today, we would have none of these problems. So blame the Apple's, Nike's, and the Microsoft's of the world for creating amazingly new and creative ways for use to spend our money. Or better yet, for us to blow our money. Do we really need all of these extra's? How did our parent(s) get by without it? They did just fine. There was no need for any of these lavish toys. Kids these days have no idea how it once was. If it was 1972 (the year I was born) today, would we have to worry about every step our kids make? Yeah, we wouldn't be able to get a hold of them (no cell phone on their hip) very easily but we would know where they were. At least my parents did. Kids were not very chunky back then either. We played outside all day, everyday. Didn't eat the junk we have now. How did I manage? How was I happy? I am pretty sure I was a happy kid. We didn't have computers and video games that we would spend hours in front of. Instead we were playing baseball in the street or hunting for tadpoles in the creek or making a fort in the trees. The next time you drive in your neighborhood look around, see if you see a group of kids doing anything. There is no tossing football, no playing baseball, you hardly even see them outside. We as parents are to blame for this. My child is spoiled rotten. I try not to but it is not easy always being the bad guy. I have come to realize that kids and grandparents are natural born allies. Time as a kid needs to be spent as a kid. My son plays baseball, football and basketball. He loves each and every sport and it is great for him to compete as well as work on his social networking with his friends. Sports is about so many other things than sports. He learns about discipline, teamwork, respect and leadership. This is a wonderful thing, but here is the problem. The coaches are taking things way too far now a days. Yes all kids need to practice to get better but here is what I am facing. My son is 8 mind you. Basketball has not even started and the baseball coach is already setting up monthly indoor practices. Not to mention that football off season practice started a week after the 4 month season ended. Football is also indoors working with a trainer. Yeah the same ones you get at the gym when you are fat and out of shape and need someone to push you. Did I mention that he was 8? Also, the prices of the sports have gotten way out of hand but I don't want to begin to go there. I know this is almost a direct contradiction to my last paragraph, but I think kids need to be kids and not coached 24/7. So I guess the question is, would it be so bad to be back in 1972 now?

This is a story that happened to me a couple years ago that I have decided to tell everyone about. I am a telephone guy and I make a number of service calls each and everyday. Most are normal, some are strange and few are downright bizarre. People always ask me about experiences I go through when entering people houses. This might not be one of the wildest things that has happened but definitely one worth sharing. Off to my first job, it was a warm summer morning and I was ready to try to bust out some work before it got too hot. All is normal and I pull up to my first house. The order was written to put in an additional telephone line and a jack. No big deal, I do this each and everyday. I knock and to my chagrin, a very cute young woman answers the door. Maybe 23 or 24 years old, not wearing very much. I thought to myself "I love my job, I love my job". There was no need to rush through this job. It was going to get gold plated (telephone man term to stay as long as possible and make it look beautiful). I say hello and ask where I was going to be doing all of the work. She walks me to the bedroom and shows me where the computer was sitting. She showed me where she wanted the jack placed and asked if it was going to be a problem. I couldn't say "no" fast enough. I was thinking I was one lucky phone dude. Wait until I tell the fellows about this one. I tell her I am good to go and i would be back and forth a lot. She precedes to walk into the living room and watch some TV while I was working. I begin to study my route of attack. I was going to have to run a new telephone wire to hook up the computer. I was going to have two options. Go through the closet, bust a hole outside and connect the wires (a 15 minute job) or run a wire through the attic and gold plate it (30-40 minutes and would have to crawl through the attic and it was getting hot). I was all for gold platting but this was a no brainer. I open the closet door, peek in and was shocked, I mean shocked. This woman had at least 100 porn videos scattered throughout the closet. As well as multiple sex toys and other contraptions. I almost fainted. I closed the door as quickly as I could. I certainly didn't want to embarrass the girl. So I decided I was going to have to squeeze by big ass into the attic. Damn porn.lol. I run outside and grab my ladder and a flashlight. I jump up in the attic and begin to crawl into the corner toward the room when the wire was needed to be ran. When I say crawl I mean crawl on my belly and it was hot hot hot. So now I am ticked off, wet with sweat, and covered in insulation. I reach back and grab my wire not realizing I am half way off the 2x4 when suddenly I slip and half of my body falls through the ceiling. I catch myself but not the entire sheet of drywall which falls on the poor girls bed. Not to mention the 7 bags of insulation that my boss and I picked up. But we will get to that in a second. Of course this made quite the thud and the girl runs into the room to see me hanging from the ceiling like a one of those damn monkeys at the zoo. She asked if I was ok and then turned around shaking her head. Other than my ego being in my knee's I was ok. The good news was that I had plenty of light to crawl through the rest of the attic to get down. I get down and call the boss. "Boss I am going to need you out at my first job" I say. Luckily, I had a cool boss and he laughed his ass off. He told me to finish up and that he would be there in a bit. It didn't take me long to finish and there I sat waiting on the boss. To this day I still believe he took extra long so I had to sit and face the customer for what seemed to be hours. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Finally he shows and I show him the damage. We pick up the insulation (7 garbage bags worth). He then asks me why I didn't just go through the closet. I giggle and tell him to open the door on his own. "OH WOW, Ok I understand" is all that he said. So let this be a lesson. Always hide your porn when you have a service man of any kind coming over. I sure wish that girl had. Now that I think about it, I bet she wishes she did too, although I don't think she had any idea that i discovered her stash.

Ok, so I consider myself smarter than most, but I am beginning to believe otherwise. This morning is a direct reflection of how dumb a single man can be. I will blame this one on my mom for not teaching me this when I was younger. Thanks MOM. So all was well beginning this morning. My son and I both woke up on the right side of the bed. Good moods to begin the day. At 9:30, my son requested some of my world famous ( pour the water into the batter) pancakes. A simple breakfast to make. Unfortunately breakfast has nothing to do with this story. Trying to multi-task, I decided to do some dishes while making breakfast. Yes, I can do two things at once, barely. So my dishwasher is becoming quite old and it is on its last cycle any day now. Therefore I decided to give it alil help. NOTE TO ALL SINGLE MEN, DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT SPRAY DAWN HAND DETERGENT INTO THE DISHWASHER. Yeah I did, and I gave it a healthy spray too. Breakfast is going good, dishwasher is rocking and rolling. I butter and syrup up my sons pancakes and run then into the living room. (We use those sexy little TV trays all the time). Upon turning around and walking back to the kitchen, I am stunned to see a white foam protruding from each and every crevise of the dishwasher. It was like a bad horror movie, oozing onto the entire kitchen floor. There was bubbles and water everywhere. Two beach towels to the rescue. I turned the dishwasher off and inspected the damage. I had no choice but to open the lid. I did and out came more of the white monster, all over me and of course the floor, two more beach towels were going to be needed. I had no choice but to turn it back on and take my medicine too. What was I to do, leave those poor dishes for dead. Needless to say, I spent the next 15 minutes cleaning up the mess on the floor, over and over again. Everything is now clean and I threw the towels into the washer. My only worry now is that the same thing could happen when I wash the towels. Hopefully there is not enough of the Dawn to create yet another problem in the washer. So it is 11:00 am and I have feed my child, did the dishes ( they are sparkling too), and cleaned the entire kitchen floor. I am good for the week, no more cleaning for me.lol. Did I mention that the floor was slick as hell. Guess thats the Dawn. Oh well if I slip maybe I will sue P&G. So wish me luck, Im off to monitor the washing machine.

OK so this is my Christmas cookie fiasco story. This year for Christmas I am really trying to get into the Christmas spirit. I bought a tree and put it up, lights and all. This is a first. But tonight takes the cake. So my son and I decide that we are going to make Christmas (chocolate chip) cookies tonight. We have it all figured out, Christmas cookies then a viewing of the classic, Christmas Vacation. Sounds like a wonderful evening right, wrong. Well at least for now. So we run up to the local grocery store and pick up a bag of chocolate chip cookies and I read on the back which other ingredients I will need. I am lucky to have milk in the house, non less vanilla extract and brown sugar. Although I did clean out the cupboard today and noticed I had some baking soda. That would be put to use later so no need to pitch it with the rest of the junk that was collecting dust. Ok so we go through the checkout and the girl, rather observantly, says "awwww, you guys are making Christmas cookies, thats so sweet". She was correct, a little male bonding going on. She wishes us luck as we leave the checkout. So far all is well. Total price $18.54 So all is merry when we pull into the driveway and I realize that I do not have any baking sheets. Yeah I am a single guy, shoot me. Needless to say, we went from drive right into reverse, back to the grocery we go. I was thinking however and grabbed two baking sheets. So off to the checkout counter we head again. Same lane, same girl. First thing I hear is "Hey you are back". Yeah I know how to set a first impression. Then comes "what kind of woman sends you out to pick this stuff up". My response, no woman lives in my house, hence the reason I don't have vanilla extract, brown sugar and now baking sheets. "oh" was her response with a little twinkle in her eye. Next she states "Im not going to see you in 10 minutes again am I?". I say no as we head toward the door. Again she wishes us luck as we walk out to the car. 2nd trip price $10.54 We arrive home and i am ready to do some baking. I begin following the instructions when i notice that I have baking powder instead of the baking soda it calls for in the recipe. Oh well, I am not facing that checkout girl again. It is going to have to work. So i mix the flour, salt and baking powder. Now its time to mix the butter and sugar and such when i realize that I do not have a mixer. Damn. So I yell to my son, get your shoes on. Back on the road again. There was no way I was going back to the same grocery store and face the same checkout girl, so I went to the CVS. Surely they would have something. They did. Last stop I hope. Total price $10.99. Ok so i am set, nothing else could go wrong right, wrong. Silly me decided to make a double batch, you know us men are pigs, especially when chocolate chip cookies are involved. So I am mixing it all up and I am smelling some burning. Yeah burning. Note to self, never ever buy the cheapest household appliances available. You got it, mixer is burning. So the dough was a little too thick and the little engine inside the mixer just could not pull its weight. I slowed it down but the mixer just has fizzled out, Dead. Damn I just bought it 10 minutes earlier. Time to get out the giant spatula. That is work, my forearms were burning. The cookies are now in the oven and I am pretty sure that I will be cooking the 15 lbs of batter until 3am. Why did i double it up, never double it up. I am certainly no Betty Crocker. Nor do i want to be. Next time i am just buying the ones in the box at the bakery counter for $5.99. Total cookie extravaganza $40.07 what a deal. Well at least my son is having fun watching me bake like a madman. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas......

Ok so I took my first step to becoming metrosexual today....It was a baby step as well but a step none the less.... So this is my first mini metrosexual moment...For the first time ever, I used body wash in the shower instead of my usual manly soap and scrub....Dont get all in a tizzy yet, I didnt use one of those scrunchy thingies...Some things no mater what are just not quite manly enough, those included....Anyhow, It was a rather different experience for me..At first I thought maybe I used to much because no matter how long I tried to wash it away, the damn slick feeling wouldnt leave me....So after about 15 minutes of trying to wash it off I finally gave up....And for some of you who really know me, know that I am a 5 minuter when it comes to a shower....Needless to say I felt alil water logged...Ok back to the wash.....I can not lie, I smell like a champ today....All of my buddies at work told me so...Yeah I was the get ripped on boy today...I do however feel totally to blame for this....I knew I should have waited for a non work day for this experiment...I smell like one of those damn pain in the ass fragrance girls that work at the mall....It is funny though, I think people are looking at me...I sure hope I am not that guy that walks by you and you can still smell him 10 minutes after he leaves....That is annoying....Ok another problem is that this shit makes your body slick as all hell...I had to take my belt to were it hasnt gone in a while....If I dont keep them tight they will slide right off...I am guessing this would be good at 3am after a night out but it has no advantage here at work...Anyway I just thought I would share this rather interesting experience with you all...I cant lie, I still smell good as hell....

Ok, so I am now entering my first year as an assistant football coach for my sons team and let me tell you all about the experiences I have had. We have NOT even had a practice yet. So when deciding where my son should play football, me,my ex wife and her husband decided to let our son play for a organization formed only one year ago. This is indeed a great organization who are trying to teach the young men football along with many other important lessons to becoming a man. Only problem with that is what they expect the parents and/or the coaches to endure. It all started last December when a football recruiter approached my ex wife at a basketball game at which my son was playing. Yeah I said recruiter. He stated that the program was looking for bright kids with any kind of athletic ability. He passed on his website and told her to give them some serious thought when choosing a team to play for. She shares this experience with me and I was all for it. This was our first step at becoming a football player. April hit and he were right in the middle of a great baseball season when I was contacted and asked if I were interested in becoming an assistant coach. I was hesitant at first but eventually jumped at the chance to become even closer to my son. Didn't hurt that football is and always was my first love.lol. Then I was sent the requirements and contract information. Wow, suddenly I wasn't sure again First off each and every kid, parent, and coach must sign a very lengthy contract. Mostly just rules about being a good sport and doing things that are in the best interest of each and every child. No contract= No play. Secondly all coaches are to go through a rigorous teaching and training program to help aid in the entire coaching experience. I have had to get and pay for ($50) a FBI criminal check. Fingerprints in all. No biggie for me. I am as clean as they come. But I wasn't too happy about footing the bill. Next i had to attend a class to better help mentor our kids. Another $30 out of my wallet. Did I mention that we had to pay for all of our pads and jerseys. That was $350. I also attended at mandatory coaches clinic that lasted an entire weekend. Bill of $20 which paid for food. No problem there, I have to eat. But the whole weekend was just about lost. I was also involved in a one hour conference call which started at 10:30 last night with the rest of the assistant coaches in the organization+ team parents. There was about 100 of us on the line I believe. Ok enough bitching, Now lets talk about our schedule. Football practice is 3 nights a week for 2.5 hours a night and our first game is in 3 weeks. Oh, and practice starts tonight. I am indeed looking forward to it and cant wait til the games. So it is looking like from now until November I will be pretty tied up. Hope you all don't miss me. Oh and one more thing. Did I mention that my son was only 7 years old...