I have been married to my wife for 11 years this coming May. It seems like forever. The scary thing is I've known her since the 2nd grade. I have no secrets from her. She knows all the little evil things people don't tell the ones they love. I didn't know she was alive as a woman until after High school. She was my boss and engaged to someone else. I loved the chase. For me it was the thought of attaining something forbidden. It was almost as if I had to prove to the world that I could obtain the unobtainable. I have never really been ugly, but my personality seems to get me farther than anything else, but the conquest holds my interest. I think maybe the conquest is probably gone after 11 years, but oddly I'm not as dissappointed as I thought maybe I would be. I crave something I can't quite grasp and really I'm not too sure what it is that I want. Sometimes things are great sometimes I feel lost. I have in the last year turned to heavy weightlifting. I use it as a way to dissapate stress. When I get overwhelmed I use the weights to block out everything else that is going on. Sometimes I think life is a lot simpler than we make it out to be. Right is right and wrong is wrong. The only gray areas are ones that we create for ourselves to justify what we do sometimes knowing that maybe we went too far in the wrong direction. I won't judge anyone because I have made decisions that were wrong and my life is littered with mistakes that I forever have to live with. I have responsibilities and therefore my life is not my own. What I want no longer matters because there are those that mean more to me than myself. I try too hard sometimes to seperate my wants from what my family needs. Sometimes it is necessary to sacrifice and I do it not out of a sense of nobility or bragging but because I created the responsibilities I have to take care of them. What a rambling mess just thought I would dump my thoughts for the world to see although very few read them.
