Well today i was going thru some packed up boxes and came across some of my pictures that i took from Iraqi War . I looked back at the past 10 years of my life and where i was now, flash back to a year where hopes and dreams where youth rule and worryed free years were. Its funny to think id even joined the Us Army. My mom wasnt to happy and my whole family was shocked as well a s my community was too. I grew up soo fast in the army and realy didnt have to go thru all the collage and pain of schooling that would of made me misiable. Dont me wrong I enjoyed for the most part the exsperiance it gave me. Now flash forward to about 3 years after i joined, I met my wife at the time and decided to reup in the army as it did pay the bills and besides I was scarred because now i had resposibilitys like a son and wife. I got two great Boys from this ordeal, flash forward to OIF. Ive learned that life is soo cheap it cost about .50 cents for a .50cal bullet to be made. I almost cryed about all the thoughts and memerys that place held for me. The sounds the smells the long nights,as i put it to my guys night is when the boogie man comes out. But to survive you got to go into a place where all eles doesnt matter and careing for humans doesnt matter as long as you get home in one peice. I remember trying to help a guy out when we got mortored and his legs got blown off. I sat there trying to stop the bleeding while help came. Its something to watch a person in soo much pain and blood just scream and scream to have God just kill him and get it over with. I kind of stop helpping people and stop careing of other people cause of all that happend over there. I guess i keeped stress in over there cause there was a lot of people counting on me. I had a grow man cry and i say man cause when you got a 18 year old just bawling and crying with a fully automatic weapon hes a man in my eyes. I find that some days i feel lied to. America morals and values have changed so much. Parents dont raise kids as well as they did. No more Pledge of Alegence or Praying in Schools any more! I felt that why i was over was not to keep Terriorst out of americans but to gain a welth for the greedy americans that we are. there has been many times over there i just didnt care about people . Its funny cause after a while instead of a child or men with weapons all i saw was another rei was over there. God knows how many dead Iraqis i past and instead of keeping them human they became a wild dead dog that we shot for fun . The hardest thing i ever did was to use my m16 in anger . To beable to shoot at someone eles takes something from you. The first time i puilled the trigger on a .50 cal machine gun was the hardest. I lined up the enemy and shot . Before i did that i had looked at the sights like 3 or four times and time stood still. It was like slow motion as the crack and rumble of the shots went off and entered into a 8 year old kid with a weapon. I watched as the bullets just chewed him up in the stomach. Before i had shot i had looked at him and i swear to God that it looked like my son. After that i just became hardened ,no emotions no regrets. Do i regret my actions what i did over there you might ask yourself. Hell no! after that i just went to a place in side of my head and never realy came out intell now .3 years later. Now i am stressed and worryed about my kids and everything. Im worryed about how my kids might react twords me as im not there anymore. I found out the past year that my Father had canser and he died like late october. I never knew my Father but i did get to talk to him .which i guess is good. Its funny how life goes by and you miss all the fun little things that keep you happy like walking thru snow and enjoying all the little things that make us human. I still got a long ways to go as fare as i guess forgiving my self and others .. This year ive decided to help out people and give people a chance that they need. My family has opened my eyes and they all seem happier about what they dio in life and where they are going. This year im going to help myself more and hope that lifes little curve balls dont slow me down. Its funny cause i used to lie awake at night angry with God about how my life was going and how much joy was stolen from me .
