life is one big pain in the ass after another! i can't tell you the last time i felt really alive. i guess that it would be in the city, (those of you who know what i am talking about) is the most i have ever felt alive in my entire life! I joined the marine corps to fix my fuckups in high school, but all i have done is really make more work for myself that i really needed to! there is only a hand full of things that i can really be greatful for, the big one is meeting the sadistic 7, as well as carp, and ssgt brooks. but you know what i don't know what life will be like without these guys next to me everyday. i am as close to these guys as you can get and would TRUELY die for these guys. i only have one other person like that in my life and that is my buddy back home matt, but since i have been in this shit hole, i feel like i have been forced to abondon him. these guys helped me get through some of the worst shit most people can't even dream up! and soon we will all be going our seperate ways. as much as we bitch about the shit we do it is crazy to think that we enjoy it simply because we are together. but once we all go our seperate ways, what am i to do in life? i mean i know what i want but not really starting a life until i am 27 or 28 is a long way from now, and what happens if i need some one like these guys to hang with, people like these guys are breed from the worst things imagineable, and are quite possibly the saving grace that keeps this place from self-destructing! life is so full of this and that, that it is imposible to hold on to anything for an extended period of time, how do we hold relationships over great distance, and at great expense? only to end, and cause both people pain!how is that some people find everything they need right at their doorstep and everything is perfect forever and others it seems that way but really isn't once they scrape off the foil wraper and realize they are holding an armed grenade? or how about finding what they REALLY want but it is to far away to have, both in distiance as well as in time? i sit up at night while we are out in the desert, and all i can think of is what life is like for a person who hasen't seen what we have? i can't even remember who i was just three years ago! all i look at when i see a random person walking down the road and seeing what hoarad things they are able to do, most people are thinking... your just paranoid,... but when you see things from the other side, you wouldn't be so quick to judge! so there is another thing that i ponder when alone, how will people percive us when we rejoin "civilization"? will people alway have that thought in the back of there head? and what exactly is that thought? any way i guess whay i am getting at in this little rant is that as much as we have matured as adults, the marine corps hinder a select few and i wonder what will become of the SADISTIC 7?
