nelly's blog: "Life goes on!"

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for all the gifts.  I know this a game (and I love to play it), but all of those gifts and such just came at the right time.  I really needed a boost to give me a bit of a smile since I had to go to my cousin's funeral today.  I don't think hardly anyone of you knew the circumstances of his death or of his death at all, but they came at just the right time.

Coincidence?  Maybe.  I don't know.

Okay, so I figure this is the best way that I can keep people updated on how I'm doing without having to tell each individual, thus retelling some things that might not be so pleasant, but its also my way of letting everyone know when GREAT! things happen all at once. So, 5 Feb 2010~ Went for my functionality capacity evaluation - failed miserably... By not even being able to keep myself conscious, or able to walk on my own (I was taking a 4-hour test, so with the back, RA, and Fib, of course I couldn't stand or walk on my own), means they (as they told me) have to say that I'm so paralyzed that I can't do anything. This ultimately ends my fight with Social Security, but it's up settin as a mofo!!! I guess b/c I never pack my day with back to back things (granted these "things" were standing, leanin back and forward, seeing how much I could do sitting up, etc.... which lead to not being able to use my hands all most at all), I'm not this bad all of the time, but at least I won't have to deal with people not believing I''m sick. Yes, it's prolly a bit wrong of my to hide my pain as much as possible, but who the hell wants to be looked at like a useless cripple!!!! I didn't finish standford in 3 years and get my Maters to be pitied and babied... I mean, clearly, I'm not a gymnast anymore, and I can't use all the strength I once had, but I'm not a useless, waste of an education, loser. My mind is sharp (except when I seize or when my meds make me, well, high I suppose), and I go out of my way to cope and find new ways of doing things!! I'm a writer for God's sake! Yes, its hard to type all the books in my head (I'm working on the first 6), but that just means I need a stenographer - not someone to ghost write!!!! BTW - any stenographers that wanna help, please let me know... I can't legalize my publishing company until Sept when I'm married and thus a partner in business automatically; our house will have two. But if someone wants to type for me, starting then even, I can get this show on the road. I don't care what anyone says, my life is going to be lived, and I have no plans on settling for anything less. I had to give up med school, but that's where I draw the line. I'm going to change the world (and I don't mean that I can stop now because Obama, well someone in the executive office, has already looked at my previous work in order to set standard for outreach programs envolving children, adolescents, and young adults-that was my Masters thesis and I had to do it)!!!!!!! I have too much to give, I have too many people that I want and need to help!!! Sorry body, you're coming along for the ride because I have things to do. I am getting married! Although I've had to do alot of planning and make alot of arrangements for changing the way things are done, we ARE going to have a baby after the wedding!!!!!!!! Don't worry, life, I intend to live you fully. Sorry about the rant, but I got it off my chest!!