HypnotiQ's blog: "Life at the Moment"

I am extremely frustrated at the most recent turn of events. 

Leading up to this, I'll update some from the last 2 1/2 years or so. Nikki lost custody of both children about 3 years ago, give or take. She was proven unfit by the State of WV (yes, they did their jobs this time around). The State took away her custodial rights for Grace and Jacob. Thank the Lord for this miracle!! She cried a river, used drugs as her bridge, and got over it. Rather quickly, I might add. A day in the life of a junkie. She was in and out (mostly out) of rehabs/clinics/private Christian detox homes more times than I can account for the last few years. She says she was clean for over a year, nothing at all....come to find out it was more like 3 months, but she was still smoking MJ to get her through so she wouldn't crave the heroin as much. All of her needle drug use led to her Lupus coming out of remission and making her very ill. She had Nephritis in one kidney, almost losing it. She also had a severe infection in the hip joint, requiring surgery twice to remove the infected tissue. A day in the life of a needle junkie. She had RA as a child, and it came out of remission as well, see what happens when you shoot up and basically "kill" your immune system? So, RA, Lupus, almost losing a Kidney, 2 surgeries on hip, as well as dealing with detoxing while in the hospital for these health issues...I would think that would make a person change her lifestyle. Guess I'm not a junkie, so my thoughts are pretty far off the mark. Finding out through reading her journals over the past couple years, I found out she was never truly clean at all, even while in the Detox unit, she had a friend sneaking her in pills, thus getting her kicked out instead of signing herself out like she said because "God spoke to her and healed her." Not saying that it can't happen that way at all, I'm a believer. But in this case, it was too good to be true. All the hoping and praying that her mother and I have done, as well as her grandparents and her sister, she to this day, is still a using addict. Although it's not heroin, she is using MJ, taking LSD when she can get it, as well as any pill she can crush and snort. All this within the last 2 weeks, part of it at my home with my knowledge. She has lived back up here since June of this year, with her mother and step-father. From that time, she was to be in therapy and was going daily to the Methadone Clinic to get her daily dose, to curb her cravings and since it has an Opiate blocker in it, it would make her violently ill if she did use any Opiate. The Dr kept upping her dose, God only know why, to the point she would get the little high from it, then come crashing down and nod off in mid sentence. Ok what good is that if she can't function? None. So from there she went to a different Dr at the clinic and got on Suboxon, which has less side effects, but works the same for the most part, just not giving her the high she had before on the Methadone. Well, smart girl that she is, now at the ripe old age of 25, she decides that not taking the full dose of Suboxon is fine for her, she doesnt need it all, so she would take maybe a quarter of a pill daily. So of course she had leftover pills. What would an addict do with pills? hmmm...yep you guessed it. She sold them for money to buy other drugs or traded them for MJ. So, now that all of this has come to a head, she no longer has access to this medicine, the doctor is being contacted tomorrow, letting him know that she left town. 

So, the last week and a half...Nikki has been living with me. She and her mom were having problems, so I took her in, partially to give her a roof, but mostly to gather info about her drug usage for her mother, since Nik confided quite a bit in me "because mom just doesn't understand" ....good thing I have the ability (IF needed) to bullshit (vulnerable) people into trusting me. Not a trait I'm proud of, and have only used it to serve a purpose such as helping someone in trouble, as in this case. Anyway, back to her. Knowing she would eventually screw up, and get caught in her own web of lies, I let her have a little freedom to come and go, as long as she made her meetings 2x a week as scheduled...she had no problem with this knowing if she didn't she wouldn't be getting her Suboxon to sell. She went to her meetings most nights after smoking MJ. At the clinic the urine test once weekly, can twice if they feel the need. Random, so can be either night she goes. The only thing they don't complain about being in any of the addicts system is THC, from MJ. This drug levels them out and supposedly keeps them from usining something harder, so with this they are ok. Hmm, odd to you, it is to me. The are an addiction specializing clinic..shouldn't ALL drugs be against their rules? Just a thought. 

Well, Nikki had been grinding on my last never basicially since she got here..I know, it was only about 8 days or so, but enough is enough, when even my daughter says, "Mom, this crap is getting old, can she leave now?!" She is a very intuitive 12 year old. I had been setting up Nikki for a fall, even though she would have in some other way on her own, it didn't fit my time frame. Knowing she was still using misc drugs, I wanted her out of the house and away from my own children ASAP. I found out she had been stealing from me, money, clothes, shoes, underwear out of the dryer (who does that?) lingerie (again, who), stealing clothes and such from my daughter as well. I don't like a thief. The final straw came when she found my HIDDEN prescription bottle of my anxiety medicine and stole a few of those, didn't think I would notice ( I counted them for a reason). She left the house Friday evening to go to the Church for her son's Play. Knowing she was going to be a while, I searched the room in which she kept her things, within my house. Finding many things that belonged to myself and my daughter. Also finding journals that had vital information that will keep her from EVER regaining any type of custody of her children. These precious babies (now 6 1/2 and 3) deserve way better than she could or has ever offered them. My granddaughter, the oldest, is being raised by her father, the best place she could be. My grandson is being raised by Nikki's mother, and that is the best for him. They are both thriving so well without her in their lives. She has burned the last bridge when it comes to her children. Proven over and over for the last 6 years that drugs are more important to her. Don't cry and blame others for losing your children when you have the nerve to stick a needle in your arm for your fix. Kill yourself, but don't bring your children down that road with you. It is now a final chapter, after all this time. She had gotten to spend time with both of her children supervised, and now she will most likely not see them again for a very long time. Her mother and I are both praying that she hits rock bottom this time around, and that will only happen if she gets arrested. The one thing she has never done is get caught. It's only a matter of time. 

***This is just a little info on what's been going on, without going into too much depth at the moment. Kelly, this is what you and I have been discussing for years now, so here is your update. A few Fu friends know what I've been dealing with for years now, and have supported me. Thank you for that, and much love. 

****I'll be updating this soon Im sure, keeping everyone posted on the situation.