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me

My ramblings have covered many a field over the months, you name it i covered it, this one is an adventure into 'me' as i am now. Its hard going tryin' to express yourself so instead of skirting 'round the edge -- in i go. My life, right now dosen't ask a lot nor does it expect a lot. i dont expect my love affairs to last for long, i never fool myself into thinking otherwise or that my dreams will come true. I've had a full life so far and i'm use to problems and disappointments to such a point that i actually anticipate them, but this dosen't mean i like them, would you!! I've always got by somehow, thats what 'I do' and everytime i move on, i leave behind a little of something, sometimes people and friends sometimes material assets, but i try so hard to hold onto the memories. I move forward but without direction, and when I think on it , i really don't care - G-d how many times have i said that. I've also said that i'm immune to sadness and pain and that i'm 'hard' through an through, but you know, everytime i find myself in a 'situation' all my brave words disappear and desert me, the 'wall' has dropped and anyone can hurt me -- and they do. It's strange, but if you were to catch up with me in 6 month or a year --- i'd be fine, well maybe not 'that' fine, but its 'what i do' - I survive. And as the time moves on, I may forget the names of the people and the places involved -- but here's the thing - its no consolation to me 'here' and 'now'. I'm not looking for sympathy, in fact G-d help anyone who comments to that affect. It's my path i'm walking - i chose it, and now its become very 'familiar'.

LIFE

I think the life cycle is all backwards, You should start out dead and get it out of the way... Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case
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