HooD WiT An AttiTude PrObLeMVicious Mist...'s blog: "life as it is..."

Sounds like i am being a GRINCH....But i am kinda sick and tired of this season....For the following reasons though...The cost of living is so high, gas prices are ridiculous...So therefore i barely make it through my week on minium wage...I been living on my own for 6 almost 7 years now...So my christmas always suck for me,cause i never have the money i want to spend on people...I feel i always give shitty presents cause they don't cost hardly anything...But people say it is the thought that counts...One of my big reasons i hate christmas is my DADDY is never home anymore on christmas, he works in iraq for haliberton. So every Christmas day i come to my moms to see my mother, and my sister, sometimes if i am lucky my brother shows his face....It just doesn't feel like christmas anymore...I wish things could go back to when we was small when we had our family with us....I don't want to be young again i just wanted the feeling of christmas back...I miss my dad like hell i only see him 2 a year if i am lucky most of the time it is 1 time a year....SO bah hum bug to christmas!

Life wondering questions of why people act the way they do....I am a person who can easily move on...well i have diffently moved on from my old friends...for the fact that i didn't want to be friends with those people anymore...yeah i do drugs i smoke weed,and drink, no hard drugs in my life..my brother is a drug addict and i am not goin to be that in my life i guarntee that...Now back to old friends, my old friends are people who i can't build a life with them in my life...They do more drugs then i do, stuggle cause of their drug problems and also can't keep jobs to save their lifes....When i lived wit my ex bestfriend my house had more then 5 to 6 people at a time in living there and no one paying rent but me and my ex bestfriend...I got tired of the shit after 3 yrs of living like that...once me and her went our seperate ways i never spoke to her again...Now she is emailing me on myspace, and telling my bestfriend now which use to be a friend of her as well that i am a grimmy bitch cause i abandoned her.i am sorry she is a grown ass woman, i didn't abandon anyone, she chose the life i didn't want so i went my own way...Don't they say high school friends normally split after high school, i was her bestfriend for 13 yrs i think i put in my time...So why can't girls just let things go, especially when the other person doesn't want the drama or the bullshit???I'LL NEVER KNOW THE ANSWER!!!!

More then likely, i have been thinkin about deleting this acct, these people on here are so fucking rude....and i really don't have time for all their bullshit...the only thing that keeps me from deleting this acct is Two people on here!One i absoultly CRUSH ON!! and the other has become my bestfriend....But the one person who i crush on is mad at me and won't speak to me! the other person i talk to on myspace, and yahoo...SO hmmmm i might delete it if the one person i crush on doesn't talk to me anymore..

i am so confusseed on what i want or what i want to do...I am so tired of my mind wondering...My mind wonders why i am in the moment i am in...Wonders do i love who i am with, cause i feel no love like i have before in other relationships.....some moments i am happy, other momemts i am miserable...i hate the fact that my heart loves someone else....i hate the fact that i am torn between the decision of something that will alter my life...sometimes i just wish my life would cease to exist, no i am not sucidal i would never take my own life...but sometimes i wish i wouldn't wake up from my sleep...cause when i wake up my mind wonders day in and day out...

Last night on halloween the worst thing happen to me and my bestfriend...We were coming back from trick or treat on the way home...this guy in front us was messing around and was drunk or on drugs one of the two.....Well we had two kids in the car and my bestfriend got mad.. so when we stopped dude started yelling out the window bitches this bitches this....we yelled out the car we have kids back her stop doin that.....He said fuck your kids, well my bestfriend was so mad she got out of the car and approached his car and said we have kids stop....he said fuck ur kid bitch and grabbed her sweater and yank her in his car as he is hittin her in the face....me and her girlfriend ran up on the car and started hitting him and tryin to pull her out of his car...well in the struggle to get her loose he acceralates and drags my bestfriend and her girlfriend 20 fts with his car....she hit the pavement so hard.....over 20 people witness this...cops are telling us they can't find the car......i spent from 830 to 4am in the hospital with my bestfriend...She end up with no fatal injuries....She is beat up pretty bad.....busted face, leg has a large wound on it from his tires....it was the most scary moment of my life to see some crazy shit like that....ROAD RAGE is very dangerous...Like i said to her last night as i was crying my eyes out...."what would u have done if he had a gun????".....I told her i would have been telling your three yrs daughter that her mommy was no longer here with us...Never ever get out of a vechile and approach another one....YOu never know what will happen.... My bestfriend

yeah so i had a great time...i put some pictures up, i will have more soon....anyways i did have a great night even if i was down for the count 2 hours later!!hahalol drank a lil to much to fast!but hey i was tryin to party!!just ended up pukin alot cause my dumb ass never eat that day....anyways i also punched my boyfriend in his jaw hard as hell....don't remember that but i think it is funny....anyways just writing thoughts...peace......

Ya so i feel a lil bad for something i did this weekend...but i can't really say what i did that is the only bad part...I just kinda wish i hadn't....i feel bad for saying and doing the things i did...just wanted to write this down so it is off my mind!!!!

SO SO SO torn between what to do....i know that i am not happy...I know that i probally will never be...I have my moments in time...But i know that making me happy is my number one thing anymore..I alway made everyone else happy before me...I have had so many people use me, and down right do me Dirty!!I use to have such a big ol warm heart, those grimmy people turned my heart cold...I still am a good ass person, just less naive i guess...maybe sometimes not even that cause i still have faith in some....I don't want to hurt no one, i don't want to inflect the pain people have on me...The only persons i am really worried bout taking care of at this point is ME, and my lil girl, and my bestfriend....I know at this point the love i had for him has faded...i know that maybe it wasnt even "in love" more like "in lust" He was something i always wanted, but i had to wait so long to get...I think i wanted it cause i couldn't have it...isn't that how life always is...I think i should speak up cause i feel like this is going to get out of control real quick...But then again if i speak up i will hurt someone who loves me so much....He feels more for me then i do him...Do u know how shitty i feel for that...I pretend...cause i don't want to break his heart...But if i don't do what i feel i should , and say the things i feel i should say....He may end up hating me more...I don't want him to hate me cause he is a great guy, i am just not happy....I don't feel like i did...and i don't want t hurt him...What cha know bout that!

I am just really blah today, so i got paid today and i am bout to be broke as soon as a leave my work today...I have to give up basically my whole check for rent which sucks...But i found out that i am getting my God daughter this weekend...I am happy cause i get to spend time with her...I also have to go take my compass test, which is to pass me to get into school for my Stna certfication...So i am bout to have a busy week and weeks to come...Still don't know what i am going to do about the whole boyfriend sitution, it is gettin complicated...But hopefully it will all get better soon...

Ok, so i am in a relationship as must know on here...I do care alot for my boyfriend, me and him had been friends for like 2 years now and recently just started dating.. We have only been dating for almost 3 months now...in a couple days it will be 3 months...my thing is we are fighting like cats and dogs now...I do care and love him alot.But i am not in love wit him...I think i should end the relationship before me and him end up hating one another...But i just don't know what to say cause i don't wanna hurt him...I know he cares about me alot alot....I know he wants to marry me so he has told my bestfriends...But that is not what i want...i want to maintain the friendship cause i see it not working...For being together for 3 months we should not be fighting how we are...and my only resoltion to it is to break up....what u think?