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Sliva's blog: "Rebuilding"

created on 10/11/2008  |  http://fubar.com/rebuilding/b251637

Life and relationships

If you were to talk to me only a year ago, you'd have had a conversation with someone totally out of touch with reality. I was stuck in a relationship that lasted only because nothing bad happened to end it. And only a few months ago I thought I had a good grasp on life, only to be used in yet another bad relationship. So where am I now? Rebuilding. And when I look at what I am from the floor up, I've learned a thing or two about myself that I didn't really know before. Yea, I knew I was a sweetie and was good at my job, but that wasn't enough to define who I am as a person. I am out-going, spontaneous, and can't get enough of living life to the fullest everyday....You're probably asking yourself what any of this has to do with my rebuilding, and I was getting to that...I realized that since I was such a nice guy right off the bat that I was very often preyed upon by people who were drawn only to the fact that they could get something outta me. Now I act almost like an ass to most people, just to keep my guard up, but that's not to say I still have my weaknesses. Women have been and always will be my biggest one. I respect every single one of you for putting up with so much stereotyping and overcoming it all. Also the fact that if it weren't for a woman I wouldn't even be alive!! So yea, as I am rebuilding, I have realized that my past idealation of always wanting a relationship was sabotaging my chances of ever meeting anyone good. I have always dove head-first into things, without much testing of the waters. So now I am looking for friendships first and what happens is meant to. I believe in fate very much ever since I was almost killed back in 1998, and if it weren't for that occurance, I wouldn't have met any of the interesting characters I know and love now. And it isn't just my life that has been affected, it was everyone around me. Cuz my old friends stopped hanging out with me for whatever reason and they wouldn't be where they are now if that didn't happen. But what amount of fate has brought me to where I am now? A good amount, for I met a girl when I moved to Minnesota who taught me the hard way to be myself and tell everyone who has a problem to leave me alone. But when I get thinking about my life, I do have some regrets based upon my actions, but there's no going back, so I'm willing to take whatever bad is the consequences for my actions, because if I never made some of the choices I have, I wouldn't have grown as much as I have in the last few years. So now, I am a single person with a new family, ready to find a new living situation and I am almost fearless to what could happen. For I have braved more that I ever thought I could, and with the help of those I know I can actually count on, I will end up where I belong. One day I will look back, and I know I'll smile, knowing that if it weren't for the intense hardships, I wouldn't have found my limits to work within and rebuild the life that I will be happy to wake up to and be able to fall asleep knowing that I did what I wanted with no regrets, only lessons learned. (Yea, I kinda kept going on and on in this blog, I promise to write better ones later!!)
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