HeavenIsTheMomentInLifeWhenYouActuallyFe...'s blog: "Lies"

Of all the things that I am These are the things that I'm not I'm not someone who glows when I walk into a room Or the person whose smile makes others smile in return A person who no one takes advantage of A peson who keeps everything under control Someone who is pleasing to the eyes of others And someone that everyone wants to know Of all the things that I am These are the things I'm not I am not someone that people envy for some reason I'm not someone that works too hard I'm not someone that doesn't work enough I'm not someone who gives all of me to anyone who deserves to be taken care of I'm not someone who doesn't care Not someone who shoves everything inside I'm not deserving of others Not deserving to talk to another I'm not someone who loves I don't know how to love at all I'm not someone who wants to be loved I'm not someone who wants someone beside her I'm not someone who even thinks outloud I'm not someone who needs to take care of others to have herself feel I'm not someone who restrains herself with others I'm not someone who trusts eaisly I'm not someone that I should be Everything about me and everything I'm not just isn't right... What am I supposed to do but just vent Just vent and hope and pray that everyone will understand when I go away Just let me go away.... Because of all these things that I'm not I know that I am not good enough Been said by others before So it must be true Just let me think this Just let this be true...

I'm tired of the lies I'm tired of the shit I'm tired of being me All I get is lies That's what I hate the most How can I be free When I keep getting trapped in these webs Webs of distorted facts and "truths" I'm tired of it I can't keep living around it Living though it I'm tired I want to just give up I do give up I'm so far gone I'm done I don't want to do it anymore How am I supposed to trust How am I supposed to love How am I supposed to live life Know that what I get is lies It hurts too much How can I How can I I'm so tired of this life My life I just never seems to be right... No one bother No one bother to care It's not worth it I'll drag you down too I hate lies I hate those who lie I dispise them with all my heart How can one lie to protect themselves? Or to just make someone else believe what they want them to believe To get what they want... It's wrong So wrong

I don't lie to others But let me lie to myself I don't feel anything for you I never did I didn't feel anything when you put your arms around me I didn't feel anything when you kissed me I didn't feel anything when you looked me in the eyes... I didn't feel anything... I never said what I thought I never told you how great you are How lucky anyone would be to be with you... I didn't tell you that you were perfect I know it's too hard So we're running away... I'm trying to help you find happiness Soon as you do that I can to go away... I knew in my heart my mother was right anyways... It's okay I'll be fine I'm always fine.. So smile, Chin up... Remember that you're worth it to someone You'll always be worth it... So for now, let me lie to myself Let me think you're a dream everything that happend was in side my head I know I'll be here In the far streach of my brain Waiting... I know I want you I'll be here if you want me But let me just Lie to myself until you're happy again....

Something I don't understand How do you lie when the truth is so close at hand Lie to my face Lie to my mouth Lie to my eyes Lie to my reason Where's your logic Where's your truth Where's the fucking truth I see the lieing eyes The Cheating heart The fruitless secrets Not leading you anywhere but alone Sit down Shut up Fuck off I'm going to beat you Break you down Get you up, Out of this rutt Let you know what you've been doing wrong Oh so much wrong Make me cry Made me cry I wake up to your screams Of Horror in the middle of the night You know what you've done Lie some more You'll be on your own No more of this You can burry your own shit Look me in the eyes tell me you don't have your own skeletons You locked me up Threw away the key Did all the things you said you'd never do Pushed me down Crushed my dreams LIED TO MY FACE How dare you lie to me That above all hurts the most The Lie The Deception The betrayal The hurt It's lies It's me never being able to trust again Me Never trusting you again Lie's never go well with truth