I been thinking about life alot I guess. Looking back at the past and then looking at now...It has gave me alot to think about.
As i was growing up like when I was 17 and 18 I had thi I loved in life.I had friends that actually wanted to do things with me. I had gurls that loved me, but at the same time I believe they only loved me due to I had weed everyday and I ani't talk to smal amounts either, or cuz I had money all the time. I always had a job on top of that.
But as life as i started living it was icredible I thought. I had a beautiful young woman that I could come home to every night after work and she was there everytime...Waiting for me to wrp my arms around and cuddle and hold her...Don't get me wrong I done with out things for her such as clothes,cars,friends,family,(well her family was there for me unlike my wasn't) they treated me like I was one of them.
Yeah I ani't going to lie about it Everyone called me her little bitch boy cuz I was always doing everything she asked or even told me to do...We could be in the kitchen and she would ask me to get her something to drink or even something to eat. I did even if I didn't want to, cuz I cared and loved her. She would get mad at me when I went to ee my so called family or friends even when her brother asked me to go and do things with him...he was a bit of a control freak you can say, but she always kept me out of trouble though.
I just can't see through what has happened in the past few years...After her and i had problems and I tryied so hard to work them out thbest I could as I tryied to give my real dad a second chance in my life. I wrote to her like 4 times a week and she in Alabama their mail runs quite qick I can write a letter today mail it today she would ha gotten it 2 days from now. I wrote my family and even friends. Do you know not one single person me back not even my own mother... Thats sad man.
I remember sending my ex gf money to make sure her nd out child would have a place to live and food in their stomachs and ect. I sent like 200.00 to 350.00 a week besides my dad did'n have m to do with me he was more into his beer and this chick that is a year older than me. I had to take a chance in driving my car or walking 40 miles to a store when I had to go or ask my boss or his son to take.
All I caredabout was my ex gf and our soon to be child but hey I was stupid for leaving. I came back cuz she wanted me to...Just to be with her and our soon to be child and well I found out she was cheating on me with her brother's wife's dad and he beat the hell out of her and made her lose my child and after finding out I was hit with a protection order that was nothing but lies and it has screwede my life up pretty good.
Well I gues maybe I wasn't to have the life I try to have being the sweet kinwarm heart man that I am...That has nothing but having a family of his own on his mind...Or even the thoughts of being able to start a family and sit there and know I am being loved back or needed by them. What about being about to read a good bed time story to my boy or even little gurl. Being able to tuck them into bed and kiss them on the forhead and being there to keep them safe or give them advice as they are growing up or even helping with their school projects or homework.
Well I guess goals and dreams don't never come true if you want them bad as I do... yeah I know someday boy wait and see. And you know what I am 24 years old and watched all my friends but a few have children of their own even my sister had a child before me man. I bet and put my life on it tat my little 16 year brother will have a child before me. Do had dreams about so yeah I know its going to happen. I am just one of them guys that nothing in his life goes as he wants or plans it to.
