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What are you waiting for?
With everything else that is happening...I've had to finally admit to myself that I have allowed someone to become to damn important to me on this site...I've let myself fall in love with the shadow of a person...Someone who isn't real...Just a face on a screen...Without meaning to...Or even being able to say when it actually happened...All I know is that I looked up one day and realized this person meant more to me than I thought...And now I'm sitting here realizing it's time to let that go...He doesn't know...And he never will from my mouth...There is no point in telling him...For what purpose? All I know is that he loves someone else...I've known that for a long time...And still my traitor heart couldn't say "no" it just kept beating for him...And I've come to the conclusion that I'm not meant to be with him...Or anyone else for that matter...After being single for a year I have yet to go out for a cup of coffee...Let alone on a date...And quite truthfully...I'm not sure I want to...Why lay myself wide open to be hurt again...Maybe there is a God...And this is His way of giving me a vision of hell...To let me live and die alone...Maybe that's the hell there is waiting for me...Eternity sitting in a room alone...With no one...So God is giving me a preview and trying to get me to come back to Him...Who knows? All I know is that my time on this site is coming closer to an end...Staying here is no longer an option...It's just a matter of finding the courage to hit the delete button...And clearing my yahoo of the people I want to leave behind...The ones who have already disappeared except for a name...Time to move on to another site...Where I can be hurt again perhaps...Or just moving from site to site until the day that I can manage to destroy myself in reality instead of in the cyber world
