wickedlyqutegirl fu engaged to lookin fo's blog: "letter to self ?"

Doesn't it feel like there is always one song that describes exactly what you're going through, and all you want to do is play it over and over? Lately I've discovered that the song "Wrong Again" is perfect for what I'm going through. Its unbelievably exact. Everything that was wrong in my life, he was there for me, and I choose to give up my life to share it with his, I was so sure of his lies. I was told that when he pushed me away it was because he was scared of finally finding happiness, and like an idiot I believed, at one point he'd told me that things always end up bad when he finds happiness. I was so wrong, this wasn't my prince charming after all. As soon as I got pregnant with his baby, its like i have some horrible disease. His stupid friends from online talk crap bout me on here, and he does nothing. It hurts so bad to see the person you love mistreat you, all because you have nowhere to go anymore, because if you leave, then you know you've really lost the battle. I love his kids just as if they were mine, and they love me too, but thats not important to him. All that matters to him is being able to flirt with someone new every week, and getting drunk. I keep praying that things will change, for our baby. That at least he'll want to if not for me just for our baby, but something in my heart tells me, that he really meant what he said when he just said,"I never really loved you" I'd still take a bullet for him, in a heartbeat. I just wish that he'd see that I really do love him, with all my heart, I still want us to be us, the way we used to be. If only his so called friends hadn't been there to talk so much crap, maybe things would be different. For now all I have to look forward to is my unborn child. Whether he chooses to be a part of it or not his family will always be able to see my baby. But as far as love goes, I guess I was wrong again. Not only have I messed up my life, but now I've brought a baby into the picture, a baby who is not at fault. A baby who whether he likes it or not, is also his child. So yes Chris, there are weeks, and there are days, I am grown up, I've accepted that we created something special, you should grow up and do the same. From the day we met You made me forget All my fears Knew just what to say And you kissed away All my tears I knew this time I had finally found Someone to build my life around Be a lover and a friend After all my heart had put me through I knew that it was safe with you And what we had would never end Wrong again Everybody swore They�d seen this before We�d be fine And you�d come to see that you still loved me In good time And they said there�s nothing you can do It�s something that he�s going through It happens to a lot of men And I told myself that they were right That you�d wake up and see the light And I just had to wait �til then Wrong again And it seemed to me the pain would last My chance for happiness had passed And nothing waited �round the bend I was sure I�d never find someone To heal the damage you had done And my poor heart would never mend Wrong again Wrong again

I've been living with Chris for a lil over a month, things seem to so good, then out of nowhere,things go bad. I haven't really had the best of luck here, but I've been told you sometimes have to make sacrifices in order to finally find happiness. I made a huge sacrifice and left everything I had to be with the man I love. But it seems that only when Im about to quit and leave him is when he shows an emotion of caring. He hardly ever holds me anymore, I go in search of his kisses. I have to look for his hand. I dont know what to do. We dont even sleep in the same space anymore. this isnt the way a relationship works. this isnt the way I want to be treated. i dont know how much more of this i can stand. I feel like we're losing each other and i just dont know what to do anymore. i love you chris, but i just dont know what else to do to make you happy.

I once loved you so much and for so long why did you leave when i did nothing wrong your smile was once the sun on a dark rainy day it would clear up the sky and keep it from bring gray your eyes were once the shine of the worlds glowing light or were they the twinkling stars that once filled the night your hands once had the power to give me the softest touch they'd always give me a slight tingle, which is why i loved them so much your hugs were once the medicine that'd change a frown to a cheer a shiver would run through my body every time i feel your love near your kisses were once the wind they were fresh and breezy against my face they were gentle so gentle its something no one will replace. but now you've become someone else and its driving me insane although its over for us the love we had still remains and so i tell myself never again will i cry you were once everything to me that i cant deny but i couldnt keep my promise and broke out in tears the hours ive cried feel like days the days feel like years as i bury my face in the pillow and cry my heart out and grieve i've learned to never give away love if love i dont receive

Void, Cancelled, simply annulled. Endlessly aching, unconsoled. Life without you, cuase without reason. touch without sense, time without season. i face life now facing a cancerous sore. a sordid parasite that eats at my core. all that makes me whole, all i hold deep within leaving me lifeless or at least not livin. A shallow face, anguished and marred. an empty space, scaled and scarred. sweetly abiding to a cynical charade. secretly hiding "hind a fictitious facade. still, lost within this heart of glass, this fragile and yet unfeeling mass lies that remains of a love that glowed the gift you once bestowed. But honor and pride now bereaved by your love for me so misconceived ripped from my inner depths, impeding mind and body and spirit, bleeding now's crushed to sand from thy ruthless hand a cold stare i just cant understand. i feel that somehow, somehow i'm dying at least my soul and all thats underlying. a simple void, is that what i've become? the hollowed sphere on a pendulum swining back and forth, emotion to emotion never once stopping, nor slowing the motion no reason, no answer, no justification the creation of a sterile imagination just passing through time as time passes me. merely a nothing- nothing merely left to be sightless and soundless unseen and unheard mindless and boundless, obscure and absurd all empathy lying ungraced, unemployed I live my life dying, unembraced, a void

He told her he loved her, her heart jumped out of her chest. She kissed him passionately, thinking their loved was blessed. She came over one night, to find things had changed. no more love, but only kisses but he's still the boy she misses. She plays love songs all day, hoping the pain will go away. Day after day, pretending to be okay, hoping she'd be with her penguin at the end of the day. Flashbacks of the weeks they had, fighting back the tears of the day that made her sad. Remembering the day they met, wondering if its something she should forget. Crying alone in the dark, wishing he'd call her up to talk. Another day passes without him at her side, and slowly she begins to let go of life.

Sometimes I wonder what it is that went wrong I wonder is this is like some silly song. Do you wonder what it would be like If we’d not had that stupid goodbye Did you know I couldn’t even cry I couldn’t even look you in the eyes I didn’t want to let you go It was so hard to tell you “I know” I still don’t even understand Why we needed this to end I hate how this feels This cant be real Things seem so wrong now that you’re gone And it seems you’re moving on. So tell me what to do How do I stop loving you? The memories of our two weeks Repeat in my head… Of those nights we spent in bed. My heart continues to skip a beat, Everytime I hear the phone ring. So baby if you’re really gone… Tell my heart, to just move on.