I found this email that I sent to a former girlfriend...I liked it, so I thought I would include it. I used her favorite color and italiziced the font, and made it bigger for softness and ease of reading. She didn't respond the way I would have liked.
M----
First and foremost, I don't want to lose you: It is not my intention nor desire to push you away --nothing can be further from the truth. That being said, however:
Everything I do or say now angers you toward me, and since I remember how much joy your voice and smile brought me, the anger and frustration you emanate at me now brings even and ever greater pain and sorrow by contrast. Again, I apologize unremittingly for being an inveterate fool over the past two weeks.
This is not about insecurity now, nor verisimilitude, this is about understanding. I sincerely and with most heart-felt honesty do not know what to do. A sense that a tipping point draws near. With trepidation, I consider the possibility that there may come a time where we will succumb to our own obstinacy, and I will accede to the inevitable: regrettably forced to miss everything about you or our future times together. I will struggle incessantly against this abhorrent potentiality, this you must hold as truth.
I just don't know what to do anymore: I can't call, can't text, can't come over, and overtures of "let's get together" are met with ambivalence. Can you not find it within you to forgive me enough, to grant me some clemency, for my foibles, so that we may have a rejuvenating dialog?
In conversation with my friend S---- today, he confirmed that we as SF people are formidable and incessant regarding all aspects of our lives. Perhaps, without consciously knowing, I allowed this paradoxically beneficial at times, but fatal at others, flaw to creep its way into our relationship.
I want to resume our relationship at some point, but I need you to meet me halfway to help me more thoroughly understand how to assuage our growing enmity. I am not like other men, M----, I have a far greater capacity for caring, understanding, and learning than others. Moreover, I do not fear soul-searching or self-improvement. However, I am not always the fastest at them. Dearly, I want that you should want me again as a friend, lover, and confident.
Contact me. I still care about you and think you incredibly wonderful. I loved you for you and not as an object. Even though this hurts me to say, and I feel my very heart breaking, I feel that you want me to go away quietly; and I have not been doing such a good job.
Love,
Gregory
