Think about your typical dating profile.
When done well, it covers a lot of bases.
There, typed out, you have your general likes and dislikes (you love tofu burgers but can’t stand meat, say).
Ideally, you make some mention of your hopes and dreams, the types of things you’ve already achieved, and what your life is currently about.
Your profile would indicate whether you’re an active participant in life, or prefer the role of spectator, via the boob tube.
You may be a die-hard armchair athlete or heavily involved in a variety of sports and activities.
If you’re particularly religious, you’d be wise to say so. If you fall into the atheist or agnostic crowd, this too ought to be pointed out.
Chances are you give the lowdown on what you consider a perfect date, what type of music you enjoy and where one might find you on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
There, on this handy profile, you include your basic stats (income level, height, body type, hair and eye colour and whether or not you see breeding in your future).
You may even post a photo (ideally a recent one!) so that other singles can see if you’re their physical type.
Now that’s a pretty comprehensive list, non?
But definitely a helpful start.
But, there’s one glaringly large piece of information missing from the grocery list - sexual compatibility.
Funny that we can all agree that a fulfilling sex life is an important part of a relationship, yet we’re far more likely to jump into the sack with someone with few questions asked than we are to talk about sex beforehand.
Let me ask you this though: Have you ever suffered through terrible, awkward or disappointing sex?
Who hasn’t connected with someone in every other area but when it came to the bedroom, the compatibility went limp?
Why then, are we bumping and grinding without first revealing our likes and dislikes, our preferences, biggest fantasies, the fantasies we want to act out, and our instant turn-offs and deal breakers?
Say she prefers making love to raw, animalistic sex. Perhaps she likes to build up to the gentle moment with a sensual massage and by candlelight.
He, on the otherhand, is all about having spontaneous sex. He likes the throw down, wants to tie her up and whisper dirty things in her ear.
The latter turns her off and the former doesn’t get him off. This is a big, big problem.
Unless they can both be satisfied and meet the other person’s preferences and desires, they’re not a sexual match.
Sure, it sounds harsh, but ALL of us (or at least any sexually active adult) have sexual preferences - and all the fake orgasms in the world isn't going to change that!
If you’re not a sexual match, isn’t it valuable to know this before adding another notch to your belt?
I know the idea of bringing all this up may seem like a mood killer.
And trust me, I understand that it’s an awkward conversation to have.
What I don’t get, however, is that we’re willing to have sex with someone (literally one of the most intimate acts two people can share) but we’re not even willing to talk about it.
How can we shag someone because they’re attractive, share the same taste in music and love paragliding, but find verbally communicating about sex too taboo?
As we’re running through our must-have lists, one’s bedroom style (or their penchant for exhibitionism or having sex in the kitchen for that matter) should absolutely make the cut.
Shouldn’t you at least know you’re on the same page before unzipping?
It may sound strange, but how odd is it really when we’re sharing details about EVERYTHING else?
I suggest that before diving into bed we get talking first.
Sure, relationship resumes are unlikely to happen any time soon, and it’s hard to imagine that sandwiched between “I work as an entertainment lawyer” and “enjoy long walks on the beach,” online daters will start squeezing in things like “sexual voyeurism is my biggest turn on,” but, in the very least, let’s a least strike up a conversation and be honest about this stuff.
After all, we’d all get a whole lot closer to getting what we want in bed if we just spilled the beans, man.
And besides, think of all the time and energy that could be saved?
Even better than that, all of the awkward post-sex moments that could be avoided if we’d just struck up a conversation in the first place.
You may click ... you may not, but with all these frank discussions going on, eventually that sexual match is bound to cross your path
HUS AND SPANKS, THANK YOU FOR READING THIS...
