have you ever felt like you were in some sort of strange place where nothing really seemed to make sense. a place where you heard what was being said and saw what was going on around you, but it didnt make much sense at all. wrapped up in a swirling ball of confusion where it seemed the empty heads on the screen were speaking in some sort of language that sounded like english, but the meanings and strings of words just didnt seem to allign. where there was no coheisiveness between them. as if they were just clustered together to form what should be sentences but sentences that were far from complete. i would stop for a second and try to compute and rationalize what i saw but it didnt seem right to me. almost as if i was in some sort of charade style game show display put on to make me think i was still alive when in all reality i was gone and no one wanted to tell me. i wonder if thats what its like when you go. maybe you still keep on living in a world where everything around you seems the same but in reality it isnt quite as complete. maybe we pass through time into a life that is exactly like our previous existance but things are just a snip out of order. maybe because we arent ready to except the fact that were dead. so our minds lead us to believe that were still living on the same stage until we grow strong enough to face the fact that were gone. perhaps its at that moment that we take the wondeful journey onward. ive heard stories of souls not realizing that they are dead only to float around in limbo amongst the places and people that they loved because they dont know what to do when that time comes. and if that is the truth, then i wonder if feeling like this is what its all about or is this just my mind playing tricks on me in some sort of freaky reality based television thursday night blockbuster show stopper kind of way. every day it gets better. but does this mean that ive become partially comfortable with my new psuedo life or am i living with a defective brain that for one reason or another has decided to make me feel this way? i can hear you talking but your not making sense. or are you really talking at all? am i in this place physically or am i truly somewhere else waiting for my soul to realize the truth? im not scared, i know where im going when that day comes. well at least i think i do because im pretty damn confident where ill end up. i didnt used to know but now im sure. but i dont think it looks much like this does. This is just too damn real. but there are a lot of things that seem out of place. chemical imbalance style out of place. maybe i need the klonopin. maybe i need the xanax. maybe i need to bury my body in a world of exercise and fitness. maybe i need to wash my soul with the books of the gods. maybe im asleep and my alarm clock broke. maybe ive been killed in some horrific automobile accident with a long time friend. maybe. naw. its 3 o clock and i think that i should go before i freak myself out and end up in some padded room on the 6th floor of st. joes eating jello and listening to muzak versions of james taylor chaka khan and the thompson twins super hits of the fabulous 80s hairspray and eyeliner piece of shit rock ballads.
