i have been given an opportunity and hopefully made the best of it. i knew that there was a lot to learn to stop this princess from becoming stuckup spoiled and downright rude. i didn’t realize how hard it would be to avoid such things. i had already headed down the path to seeing the fruition of these labors and it wasn’t pretty.
Yes as most of my friends will attest to, i can be quite selfcentered, egotistical, and pious. i am rarely wrong and if i am i will be the first to admit it. There is a lot of pride in that statement. In all honesty, if i was any kind of friend at all i wouldn’t use that statement. Why does this little girl have such a hard time showing her appreciation of her friends? They bend over backwards for me when i need them the most. They put up with all my bitchiness and shit and love me still. i want to grow to be a better person than who i am now.
To sum it up, i’d like to learn the self control and discipline it takes to be a person who can change her corner of the world. This is something that only my Master could teach me. i cannot learn it on my own because then it would always be about me. Now, it is all about Him.
The oddest thing is the fashion in which i have begun to learn this. i wasn’t whipped into submission. He didn’t have to force me to fear him and question every thought going through my head. i was simply ignored. i got no attention whatsoever – bad or good. This took the focus off of me and turned it toward Him with no punishment involved. Every waking thought is becoming based on the rules i was given. They are burning themselves in my memory.
Even stranger is the fact that i am done with my temper tantrums and whining and crying. Yes i acted like a bratty child for quite a while. It was not pretty. i was mad and upset and scared. How dare he leave me alone to fend for myself? What did i do to disappoint him so much? i’ve done all i could to get his attention and not succeeded – will i ever succeed? Ever cried yourself to sleep from exhaustion? i basically wore myself out so much acting like a baby that i finally couldn’t do it anymore.
Once i had no energy to do anything else, i started actually listening to what my friends were telling me. Jus t be patient. Patience – that word struck a chord. i recalled a time a few days before when i requested to learn patience. i then also remembered stating i would BE patient. Oh my God, i asked for this! What the hell was i thinking.
i also realized why safewords were invented. Despite all my whining and crying, the lesson needed to be learned. Had i safeworded out, i would still be stuck the same person i was. Now i sit before you humbled – not perfect but i more understand and consider my place.
My place consists of this –
i will keep myself ready for my Master at all times.
i will keep my house clean and presentable as to not be an embarrassment to my Master.
i will take care of myself as necessary that i may be used in any way Master would like.
i will conduct myself in a manner that would represent my Master well.
i will wait for my Master to decide when it is my time!
These are not even a handful of the rules that i need to learn. i guarantee i haven’t learned them in their completeness. i understand more now than i did before what it will take for me to be the best slave i can be. i can’t wait to see what i learn next.
