Len's blog: "Leni's World..Yea My World!"

What is a Mother??? A Mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary. Four years had pasts, me and my mother had a big fallen out, she got mad at me and i got mad at her. We stopped talking, she moved out of my place and the bonding of Mother and Daughter just simply faded away! Sad but true, year after year, my life isn't the same, always some emptiness inside me, sadness that makes me cry, guess i am longing for my One and Only MOTHER. Augusts of this year, 2 very closed friends of mine from work a father and a son, died on a plane crashed, it makes me very sad to know that 2 people that was very closed to me just gone so suddenly, the 2 of them had a very good relationship, i envied them coz so much LOVE between a father and a son, and i got thinking, gosh , what am i doing in my life???? consuming it with so much anger and hatred towards my mother who gave life to me, raised me to be a fine woman...that got me thinking, should i make ammends with my mom or not? First week of Auguts diz year, my mom's eldest brother had passed away, a couple of weeks after that, another bad news about mom's other brother. My uncle Jessie has diabetes and need his leg amputated, my aunt called me and asked for help and had asked me to phoned my mother. I didn't had the guts to call her so i asked my ex hubby a favor to tell my mom what was going on with her family back home in the Phils., funny thing though , my daughter Joanna heard the conversation between me and her father that alerted her to dialed my mom's phone number, she handed me the phone and told me, Mommy, is your mother on the other line, go ahead and talk to her, she needed you, your support. Oh my, my 9 yrs old daughter are such an angel, trying to help out with the situation between me and my mom... i guessed that always bothered her that me and mom stopped talking and she misses those happytimes we had in the pasts..i had no choice but to talked to my mom......but i am glad coz that very day, was the beginning of a new LIFE...me and mom talked for more than 2 hrs...i can hear the excitement in her voice, talking to me.....wow what a GREAT FEELING that was for me. Such a great joy and something heavy was just lifted...overflowing joy, joy that no one can never express but me...i thank God for my daughter Joanna for bringing me and my mom back together again, she is a TRUE ANGEL! So i guess me and mom has to catch up with the losts year, so inorder for us to do that, i decided to go to the Philippines with her this Christmas. I will make the mosts of it coz i finally found my MOTHER, my mother that i was once LOST BUT now I FOUND her...all i can say is, it is a good feeling finding forgiveness in my heart.....I THANK GOD FOR MOTHERS, THEY ARE THE GREATESTS! AND I LOVE MY MOM WITH ALL MY HEART! "Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars , sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters, aunts and cousins, but only one MOTHER IN THE WHOLE WORLD."

Soaring Free....That is how i am feeling after i got my divorced from my husband for almost two years now. Scared of being alone and looking after three children kept me in that unhealthy relationship. Years after years i put up with it coz i wanted to work things out. But nothing is just working, i sank to depths of depression that i hadn't known existed. I had never before experienced anything like, feeling of being lonely and alone just me and my children. Somedays the responsibilities of it all overwhelmed me and i would be shaking with fright. My very bestfriend Krizzy were always there for me whenever i needed a crying shoulder. She spent hours and hours with me online trying to comfort me, but depression settling and i was just an emotional wreck, so many hours filled with thoughts of broken dreams and despair. I cried often, yet i made sure that my children won't see me crying coz i know that they worried about me, specially my son Jay. I was determined that this problems won't affect my children. Everytime i looked at them, somehow i managed to put a BIG SMILE on my face...they keep me going. Years , months, weeks, days had passed, i heard myself saying outloud i don't want to live anymore, just wanna give up. But after saying it, silence was overwhelming. I sat on my bed for awhile, letting the tears flow down my cheeks. I was up almost the whole night thinking, but from somewhere within me arose a strength I hadn't felt before. I decided then to take control of my life. The following day, i talk to my husband and told him outloud that i don't love him anymore and i wanted a divorce from him. He was shocked , cried and begged me to considered , go to marriage counselling, but all i said to him was, i had it and i don't love you anymore. And i would never let him take control of my life in such a negative way. I realized that by focusing so much of my attention on his weaknesses, i was also allowing those weaknesses to ruin my life. That very day i talked to him about divorce, i felt so much better, feel free all of a sudden. I got thinking that hey i still have three children to think off and love. My children kept me going, give me a reason to every morning to get out of bed, go to work and put a big smile on my face..my children, what a blessing in my life! From that day on, i only focused on my happiness and my children, i feel more confident and got more strength to face my day to day living. I've focused to such a positive things in life, what a diffrence it made in my life. I felt laughing again and i enjoyed being around people and friends for the very first time in months. I went to counselling that help me through my separation/divorce and i began the process of discovering the individual i had kept hidden inside myself for so long-- a process that i am still enjoying today. I continued going on to counselling til i felt i had hit bottom. When I no longer felt the need for my counsellors support and guidance, I remember the last question she had asked me..."Are you ready to face a new life ahead of you??" I never hesitated and told her that never been ready and what i learned that my happiness has to come within. I had made the mistake in my life of basing my identity on my marriage and all the things that surrounding that relationship. I've learned that i am solely responsible for my own life and happiness. When i focus my life on another person and try to build my life and happiness around that person, that i am not truly living . To truly live my life, i need to let the spirit within me be free. soaring free and be rejoice in its uniqueness. It is in this state of being that the love of another person becomes a joy and not something to be afraid of losing...I lift my spirit high and soar high and free.. now i am free like a bird..never been happy and being single isn't that bad at all....... it rocks! LOL