Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney
called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded,
"Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young
boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on
your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again
replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was youngster, too.
He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal
relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire
state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of
them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet
voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to
the electric chair."
