Being 24, having my two girls, and bein with "the man" that i was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. You would think I would've been happy, but in all reality that was not the case. I had a great job with a promosing future....and yet when I went home it was more like hell. Having to deal with the devil himself. Yeah I called him that for a long time. Not knowing if one word...one wrong move would set him off.
Why is it that when you are with an addict you are the one to blame for the bad times? I didnt get it, I don't think I get it now. I wasn't the addict, why would I have to suffer that stronghold? I would look into his eyes and there was chaos and madness, a hatred for me that I had never felt before, and just before I would be thrown across the room, fallen to the floor and crying I would see this calm in Him. You know its sad what you will put up with when all your taught as a lil girl is to make it work, and that you don't just quit on your family.
It was a week before Christmas in 2006, San Bernardino gets really cold,we get the chilly breeze from Big Bear mountain. I was sitting on the couch watching a movie playin with Skyler(a roommates baby), the girls in the room playing a game, our roommates scattered throughout the house, and He walks in....it was all over from there. He was angry, why? I cant really tell you, but at that moment I knew. I acted stupid and said I was tired and goin to bed. But He had other plans. I never understood why when you tell em no, they think thats the green light. I had enough I wasnt giving in this time. I fought Him. Not again, and never again would I allow myself to fall a victim to Him.
I wear those battle scars proudly now, I know what I've been thru and its okay. I left the next day knowing that I would never return. And I havn't. You know the best part of living my life has been that because of what I went thru I appreciate life and love, don't take it for granted. Love makes you feel great, and never holds you down.
