Interests
PolyamoryPolyamory is about having meaningful long-term relationships with multiple partners, not sex.
My favorite analogy regarding polyamory is relating it to a rose bush. The main stem is the individual. Each branch can be a partner. The branches grow and bloom just as relationships do. Each branch adds to the beauty of the whole plant. Roses have thorns, just as relationships have difficult times. If you cut a branch with a rose off and place it in a vase (monogamy) it will last a short while then fade away no matter how well you take care of it. If you leave the branch on the rose bush (polyamory), nurture it, and the rest of the plant, it will continue to grow and bloom year after year. Occasionally the branches will die, just as relationships do, and those branches must be trimmed back so they do not sap the strength of the rest of the plant. New branches grow to replace the lost one, but the plant continues to add beauty and enrich the lives of those people represented by each branch.
The Benefits of a Polyamorous RelationshipRelieving Pressure of Meeting NeedsWhen you allow for more partners, you are able to enjoy the qualities of several people that, together, are able to meet a much greater percentage of your interpersonal needs. This has the advantage of "taking the heat" off of single partner relationships to provide what a partner is not able to provide. No two people are exactly alike, or share the exact same interests. Polyamory allows you to have people that you care about that share different interests and can meet different needs. These needs can be simple interests, or more complex: perhaps one partner wants children, while another does not. Polyamory allows the first partner to have children with another person, so that the desire to be a parent does not interfere with the first loving relationship.
On the flip side of having all of your partner's needs met, is of course the comfort of knowing that your own needs will be met as well.
Deeper Non-sexual FriendshipsHave you ever seen a relationship (either your own, or someone else's) where one partner was jealous of a deep, non-sexual friendship that the other partner had? It is not uncommon for a partner in a conventional relationship to be jealous of these deeply emotional friendships. A feeling of insecurity arises at the thought of a partner being so close to another person, and jealousy is often felt over the time spent with that friend. In many conventional relationships, these types of friendship are frowned upon because they are close enough to warrant a sexual relationship, which is a natural human expression of such emotion. However, just because someone has a close emotional relationship with someone, does not mean that they have to have sex, and that is what many "monogamous-minded" people don't always realize.
Polyamory does not necessarily mean you have to have sexual relationships, it also allows you to develop these kinds of deep friendships with people without fear of your significant other (S.O.) getting jealous. A polyamorous relationship is not something that everyone can be successful at, but if people could learn to handle a monogamous relationship in such a way as to allow your S.O. to have the deep emotional friendships, and at least have someone to fulfill their NON-sexual needs, monogamy would be much more successful.
Keeps the Love AliveHow often have you heard someone say that they miss that "in love" feeling? That when their marriage/relationship was new, it was more "alive". People long for the "sparks" that they remember. In poly discussion groups, we call this NRE* (*new relationship energy/excitement). NRE is partially the effort that we make in a new relationship to prove to our partner that we are "special"... that we are "the one". In many relationships, once the relationship becomes settled, we can get lost in familiarity, and caught up in the monotonous schedules of daily life. No matter how much we may love that person, we forget to show how special we are, or to show our partner how much we love them. So how does Polyamory help that? As strange as it may seem to some people, when you are in a new relationship, or your lover is in a new relationship and you discuss it with each other, you are reminded of all the little things you did to romance one another. You remember what it was like to be constantly trying to keep a new lover's attention, the things you did to show your interest and prove you were "the one". When love is involved, you find yourself not only practicing those niceties with your new lover, but with your old as well... and when you discuss it with them, and they remember, they begin to do the same. The new relationship is fun, and manages to bring new life to the old relationship in the process.
New and Unusual FriendshipsOne of the best benefits is the opportunity for a new and unusual friendship. Getting to know your partner's new lover, and forming a friendship with them if they are comfortable with that. It is not everyday that you have a friend that you can be truly candid with about aspects of your own relationship. Being in love with the same person consentually and unconditionally forms an unusual bond between two people that is indescribable.
*Definitions modified and used from "Loving More" and various informational publications
Famous polyamorous people
* Simone de Beauvoir, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Olga Kosakiewicz
* William Wilkie Collins
* William Marston, Elizabeth Marston, and Olive Byrne
* Percy Shelley
* Eric S. Raymond
* Amelia Earhart
* Robert A. Heinlein
* Emma Goldman
* Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson
Music
Favorite Music...hmmm....Generally, I like goth, ambient, industrial, ethereal, and steam punk music. Here are a few of my favorite groups. Lesiem, QNTAL, Die Form, Lacrimosa, Pussance, Helium Vola, Midnight Syndicate, L'Ame Immortelle, Delerium, Enya, Dargaard, VNV Nation, Ah Cama Sotz, Hayden, Alexandre Desplat, Beethoven, Collection D'Arnell Andrea, Arcana, Dead Can Dance, Tchaikovsky, Clan of Xymox, Mussorgsky, Era, Evanescence, Holst, Fields of the Nephilim, The Retrosic, Silke Bischoff, Nick Cave, Viavaldi, Tangerine Dream, Weltenbrand, Gary Stadler, Sardonyx, Berloiz, Black Sabbath, Mozart, Nox Arcana, Inkubus Sukkubus, OLD Rush, OLD Depeche Mode, and various Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, and Alternative Artists. I haven't met a Classical composer I do not like, and if I have, I don't remember their name.
Movies
Favorite Movies...good sci-fi. I will watch just about anything. I like horror, drama, action, dark humor, and docu-dramas. My favorite movie of all time is the original Dune. I also own a copy of Threads, an amazing realistic docu-drama of the aftermath of a nuclear attack.
It was very refreshing to find someone of like mind here on fuBar... if there are others, then I am having difficulty finding them while weeding through all the (as you so eloquently put it) HNG's. Anyway, thanks for a great read, and hopefully we can chat sometime. Mary
