For a long time i have always had the ability to read people just by simply looking into thier eyes or shaking thier hand. I dont consider this a special ability but more of attention to detail and understanding people and basic psych 101. The biggest point in case that i can pull off the top of my head. The first time i meet my last ex-wife i knew that she had an affair on her ex-husband not once but twice. Now it took a while for me to dig this info out of her but she had. When someone is talking to me i dont even have to look at them generally to know of they are lying but if i look them in the eyes i will always no for dead sure. Your eyes can not lie unless you have been trained. Then that requires that you trained at the farm or were in training from those at the farm. It does take a lot of skill and practice to make your eyes lie. I will not go into why i know those things just go with me that 99% of the world does not have this skill. The other big tip off to a lie is the change in behavoir. If out of the blue some change occurs and there is not presentable reason as to why this occured then you are looking possibly at a lie. Now i also along the way have learned how to be the human lie detector which includes flexuations of speech. But i also must say that right off the bat i was told not to use these skills on your loved ones for 2 reasons. The first is well you may learn something you really just dont want to know. The second reason is that you can misread signs as you have emotions mixing in with everything. Now if you have the ability to shut everything down inside and close off all feelings and handle it like any other questioning of someone then more power to you. But i also have always had the gut feelings that are never wrong i have just choosen on occasion not to listen to them. Now as i have gotten older and by no means am i really calling myself old. I have learned to be more honest with myself and the need at times to shut everything down and look at everything as a third party to truly give me a different perspective. I am not saying this is something easy and i will not say that i have always been successful otherwise when i first knew in my gut the the last ex wife was messing around on me i would have acted. Instead i choose to ignore for the hope that it would get better. Which led me to why i choose not to hide anything what so ever from some people. Thigs that can come back to bite me in the ass. Because in all reality opposite of what some may think i am not really that much of a lovable person. I am set in my ways what can i say i have pretty much been in the military of some sort for the last 16 years. Now ther are things that have clouded my judgement but i will not divulge those as they are a weakness that some have used against me in my past. Which my past does play a part in who i am and who i will always be. Only a handful of people truly accept me for me as a whole package. I understand that because i know that i can be an asshole at times. At other times i can be a total fucking prick. Other times i come off as a loud mouth egotical overbearing SOB. These are things i know about myself and i am willing to admit because unless you are willing to admit your faults as well as your strengths you will not be successful in life. But these also lead to understanding of one self which is not always the most comfortable things to do. Admiting when you know how much of an emotional wreck you are is not always the easiest thing. Knowing that about one self may make a relationship better and easier can also make you doubt or worry about things more so than most people. Of course you must be willing to admit these things to others that you want to let in. Of course letting someone in is not always the easiest thing either. There is constant self doubt of is your judgement clouded or are you seeing it all clearly. You hope that you see everything as clear and direct as it is. But yet you have such storng fears that you can tear yourself apart ot is scary. The fears in a persons life are determined by what he has faced and overcome. I can say that i have faced and overcome a buch of fears in life. There are a few that are left and i am sure you can guess one or two. There are others that i will not share period. There are things I have done in life that i am not proud of but i did them. Now when you tell people these things do you tell them just the basic idea or do you give details. I am a detail type person about a lot of things. Obviously english and spelling are not are damn care in the world. But do you give up the details. Could you be a monster that no one would want a damn thing to do with. This is something that my father fought for years and i think he still does from his time overseas. While i was in the service i tried to equal the honor my father served which led to signing up fo things that well may not have been the best choice in life but someone had to do them. I am not going to say i was just a tool because the reality of it is that at one point i truly looked forward to doing those tasks. If admitting that shits on things then so be it but it is the truth. As the truth can sometimes hurt and destroy peoples feelings and thoughts it can also be freeing. Because if you give all of the truth and no deception no hiding no lying no need to obfuscate events and you are accpted then great. But everytime you decide do i tell everything that rattles around in my skull you edge closer to rejection or hatred. I have always tried to be absolute in my beliefs and in my life but it is hard sometimes. Some of my beliefs have changed as the years have gone by and i have walked a mile in those shoes. But i stand on the fact as to why i changed my opinons. but back to where i had started i also know without someone saying something when they want to say something or are thinking something but are afraid to say what it is. Just spill it all you might be surprised i have in life some people accept you as is for everything. But when you begin to hide things and the other person believes you are hiding things then mistrust begins to grow as a seed has been planted. Now this seed it not always born out of self knowledge but from input of others. These seeds can be very dangerous at times, because if they are not removed but just simply ignored they can start to grow. As you ignore it further it grows more and when you can no longer ignore these things it is to late it has grown to big to get around. ....................................................
but i must also state that pure and simple truth kills those seeds befor ehtye even get a chance to take root.
ok now im done
