Today I had to go to court and fight for custody of my son. For those of you who have never had to do this sort of thing, you are lucky, for here is how it basically goes.
You stand there across from the person that you once believed was your everything. The person who you most desired. The person who brought a smile to your face, a laugh to your lips, a tear to your eye and, just maybe, hope to your soul.
Now all they are is the enemy.
You hear them spew vile at you across the room.... use your darkest secretes and fears against you.... things told in the quiet lull between lovemaking... and you wonder how you ever kissed those lips.
You see them glare across the room at you... eyes filled with steel twinged with hate.... as they calculate your weakness like a lion measures a wounded antelope.... and you wonder how you ever got lost in those eyes.
You watch them parade out your life... finding the smallest fissures in your facade.... prying their cold fingers into your mind as they try to rip the sanity from you enough to get you to start yelling and acting the fool in front of the judge.... and you wonder how you ever believed this person was the one.
And then... you do the same.
You do it because you tell yourself that you have no choice... you do it because you can not EVER go a day without holding your son.... your child.... your small best friend. You do it because you once loved and now you hate. You do it because it feels good. Feels good to make that person hurt as they have just hurt you.
You do because you do not want them to know that you still care.
I have my son... for now. But how will I live with the terrible things I had to say? But as I watch him sleep I know ( sadly ) it will be easy to live with.
For I was wrong about her.
HE is the best part of my world... he is my everything.... he is the hope that my soul so badly needed.
And how did I thank the person who gave him to me?
