TOPIC : "KISSING"
Let me start off by saying:
If you don't like my columns, don't read the shyt.!
No one is forcing you to..! :-)
Ok. alot of people have been asking me,
"How the hell to I come up with this stuff..?" haha
Usually, I'll just come up with a topic,
or someone will send me a question or a topic to write about..
So, I do.. Once I start writing, my brain just gets overflowed
with comments, stories I've heard, info, music lyrics..etc..etc
Add the fact that I'm a crazy mofo... and BAMMMMMM...
That's how these topics/columns/blogs come about. HOLLA... haha
Ok.... the ultimate goal is to have that other person exhale
(thinkin, GOD DAMN he/she can kiss)..
Or leaves them with that warm tingly feeling thru their WHOLE body..
You want them to get on that phone and call their friends
(after you leave of course), and have them say..
(YO, he/she can kiss their ass off.. and I can't wait to see what else they can do)..
A bomb ass kiss can make ANY man "HARD AS A ROCK",
and any female "Drippin wet, like a facet left on over nite".. hahahha
This topic is strictly about the proper way to "KISS"...
nothing about sex, just kissing..
because we all know, kissing can start it ALL...!
BUTTTTTTT, before we can get started,
I have to set some rules for fellas as well as the ladies..!
So, get our your papers, pens, pencils, crayons,
shyt use your own blood if you don't have anything to
write with..haha because these rules are ESSENTIAL...
on getting you on your way.. *evil grin*
RULE 1 - OPEN your damn mouth...!
nothing worse then kissing someone that doesn't open your mouth..!
It's like a dude meeting a female, that has a HOT body
(lips, tits, legs...etc), then strip her down,
and IT has DICK....! hahaha (Nothing worse)
or like when a female gets a call from her man or bootycall, telling her,
"I'm gonna eat your kitty, until there's not kissy juices left!..
but she's on her period.. (Nothing worse)...! hahahaa
I'm buggin. haha
RULE 2 - DO NOT slobber, drool, ..etc..etc...
if we wanted a bath, we'd take a DAMN SHOWER...
You don't want to kiss anyone, and have to get a towel
or use their shirt to wipe your mouth off everytime you kiss.
That SH*T is a TURN OFF..!
You don't want you face looking like you just eat a big
ass piece of the sweetest watermelon.. hahaha
RULE 3 - DO NOT shove your tongue down their throat..
only thing your allowed to shove down their throat is ...
I'll let you use your imagination... hahaha
RULE 4 - DO NOT have stank breath...!
You don't want to kiss someone that their breath
smells like a grilled cheese sandwich..(made with the government cheese..hahahha)
So, make sure you always have a breath mint or gum handy..!
BUT don't pass the person your kissin your damn gum..
Cuz, we don't WHAT you were suckin on earlier..hahahha
RULE 5 - UPPER LIP HAIR.. trim that shit...!
Fellas, trim that shit. keep it nice & neat...
females don't wanna kiss a dude and have to chew on your
favor savers afterwards.. hahhaa
Females.. don't laugh, because some of you have some hairy ass upper lips too.!
lookin like Captain Caveman and sh*t.. haha
As you can see, there's alot more rules then normal..
BUT, like I said before, the "KISS" can make you or break you...
Then again, if you females have a nice body & nice lips..
even if you kiss bad, we might still might want to hit that..haha
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKK...
Let's start it off...
So, your at that point where your about to kiss that person for the 1st time...
Or for the 2nd or 3rd time, they can't remember the earlier kiss,
because they were drunk as hell..haha
anyway, so your makin that move... STOP
CHAPSTICK.. use it.
no one wants to kiss some sandpapered lips.. haha
moist lips is a MUST...
ok, back to makin that move.
Fellas, be the bigger person and you be the one to tilt your head a little to the side..
you both don't want to go straight on, into it.. Your gonna bump heads...
And I know some of you got big heads.! haha
ok. sooo, heads are tilted and ready, lips are moist.. STOP..
CLOSE YOUR DAMN EYES.. hahhaa
and don't be the one to keep yours open to see if the other person is looking.. haha
Your ass will go cross-eyed..haha
ok...checklist..
moist lips - check
tilted head - check
eyes closed - check
mouth slighty open (don't want to swallow anyone on the 1st kiss) - check..
ok, so your both coming forward...
once your lips touch the other person's lips,
caress their lips with yours
(like as if you were kissing a newborn baby's head)..
softly, gently.. you feel that..?? feels good uhhhhhh...hahha
now don't give them too much...
just a couple of seconds, to keep them feenin for more..
NOW, if the kiss was good, GO ON, get some more..
this time, a lil deeper, and harder (just a little)..
and with your off hand, grab that ASS, and pull him/her closer into you...!
HOLLA...!
If it was bad... maybe it will get betta..
Sometimes, the 1st time won't be good, but the next is off the CHAINS..!
Or maybe you need some practice..
Grab a vegetable or something around the house to practice on...
SH*T, chics use cucumbers all the time. haha Ooooo, my bad..
that's a different topic. hahaahahaa
Now you got the 1st part down... you gotta have some extras...
like a little suckin on the bottom lip,
right before you pull away.. (THIS IS THE BOMB)..!
NOW, don't suck soo hard that you draw blood, or give them a blood bluster, that ain't cool...
Also, maybe a little nibble here & there on their lips...
After you get done kissin that (girl/guy), you want their lips to be throbbing
(like you just stubbed your big toe against the bed post type of throb, but in a good way)...
Once, you've master kissing the lips.. Move to the side & the back of the neck...
This is a sensitive spot for most people...
soft kisses on the side of the neck, while your hands roam free. HOLLA... haha
BUT DO NOT PUT A HICKEY on someone's neck..
I REPEAT..DO NOT PUT A HICKEY on someone's neck..
that's sh*t ain't cool..
A hickey shows ownership... And someone that still has middle school mind set..
If your a playa/playette, a hickey on your body is hard to explain..
PREACH...!
Kissing is a craft, when done right, will spark many other things to happen...
So, become a master of your craft...!!!!
ok. that's my column for this week, hope you enjoyed the laughs and info..
stay turn for next week's column.. peace... Dr.Romello
I'm certified biaaaaaatches... hahaha
