July of 2005 I was in my first serious relationship after my divorce.I really thought I loved this guy and was ready to start a new life and family together.we had decided to try in January of 2005 , I did everything from tempature readings ovulation kits..month after month nothing happened.Finally in June I hit the day just right by the time I was due for my period I was already having morning sickness and my boobs were growing .I was sooooo excited.
Then I started bleeding on what was 4 weeks after I concieved. I kept telling my self it wasnt happening I went to the doctor because I have been through this too many times .My fear was confirmed and my world crumbled around me . But I still had hope maybe just maybe it was just a threatened M/C ..but 2 weeks later the sickness stopped along with the other symptoms.It was the hardest thing I went through , and all of my M/C's have been
devistating , but this one was so hard , because I was trying for soo long .Needless to say , I withdrew and became angry towards every one even hateful , I would walk around and see people pregnant that I just couldnt understand why them ..why did Brittney Spears get to have a baby and not me??!! I was in a black hole ..And to make it worse my boyfriend at the time didnt seem to care, His response was "Im sorry Hun, but we'll try again its no big deal" Thats when I turned on him , I was alone in this and he was so heartless.This is what ended us.
Ive 6 miscarrages and Ive finally decided that I just cant try again .I would love to have 1 more child , But there is no was I can handle going through that again . I know I have to see a specialist because Ive had 3 back to back M/C's even tho they were spaced out . One of which I was carrying twins..My daughter , made it though and that was the scarest pregnancy of my life .After I lost her twin every little thing had me scared to death. I figured I was fine with the last pregnancy ..It had been 7 years but it wasnt fine. I love being a mother and I wanted to have sooo many children .But that dream died One that July day 2005 with my baby .Maybe in a few years Ill have the strength to try again But for now , I still need to completely grieve my last loss.
Written and Permission granted by: Kim
Purrfectly Impurrfect/ 337196
Purrfectly Impurrfect - fishy kissies!!!
@ CherryTAP
