I met up with some friends for drinks the other night. At this little get-together, I was told a story that put me in an unrelenting depression which creeped up and hit me like a ton of bricks and I haven't been able to shake it since. Mind you, I don't fully believe that it was the story itself, but what it made me think about. The short-version of this frustrating tale is that 2 friends walked around the city while one cried on demand while telling some bullshit lie to anyone who would listen in order to get money from unsuspecting people who in their mind, were trying to help out an innocent girl in a crunch. End result - they happily left with about $80.
I was literally sickened that these people are my friends! I would never go out and purposly take people's money because they don't know any better and the fact that I keep company with individuals that would do so made me re-evaluate my whole screening process. The next day all I could ask myself was, "What if I'm in their way the next time they want something? What would they stoop to in order to get what they want? What kind of creature has no regret for hurting others?" That was the angry stage... the depression began when I realized that there really are more people out there like them. How many people have I passed by on the street who were as bad, if not worse than these people?
Probably the worst part is that all I can do about it is hope that Karma is real and that one day, they are going to get what they deserve (honestly, I have rarely seen this happen but I hope everyday that it just happens when I'm not looking). Part of my depression was the thought of them living full and happy lives off of the suffering of others which is all I have seen thus far... both have been given every opportunity and instead of using it to their full advantage, they lie, cheat and steal their way up the ladder just because they can. Will I become this way in time? Is it simply a matter of finally getting stable again just to be thrown back down to the unsecured bottom that will one day make me just say, "fuck it" and stop caring?
I know that I'm not even close to perfect... I have my issues for sure; however I can't help but wonder how many times I have (even unintentionally) done something that compares to what they do on a daily basis. The thought, again, sickens me and rots me to the core.
I just wish that I could get out of this funk that I'm in... some days I see the world as beautiful and bright and ever since that night I look at every human being in contempt, wondering whose lives they have crushed today. I guess it just shocked me how bad 2 people that I have known forever really were inside and I was just too blind to see it...
Bottom line. I can't believe that I've wasted so much time and energy on people who are pure poison.
