Lady Victoria Eclectic Pagan's blog: "Gods and Goddesses"

Kali Meditations The World Turn away from the outer world. Turn inward, and feel the Kundalini that arises in you. The World as it is. Let it be... You are in India. You have come to find illumination, but all you see is the world. All around you, children cry out with hunger, their chests shrunken, their bellies bloated. A woman lies under a leafless tree, barely moaning, weak with fever, too weak to call out for help. The sickness, and the pain, and the hunger are palpable. You begin to feel sick. You too are in pain. You too are hungry. You feel an urge to run away from all of these people who press you on all sides, pushing on you with their agonies.. You walk past the crying, bloated children, past the moaning woman, through the whole throng of people. You keep walking, further and further away. Now the cries and the moans are barely audible. As you walk, the sun falls behind the hills. Night comes, and a few tentative stars begin to shine. As you watch, the moon rises. She is a tiny silver crescent like the horns of the sacred cow. She is surrounded by glittering stars... Now you pass through empty streets. You have no goal in your mind. You let the Goddess direct your steps, taking you where she will. Ahead is a deserted area, surrounded by a high stone wall. The stone is dark, and the stone wall is cold and moist, yet you feel a warmth and a light coming from inside the walled area. In front of you, you see a gate... Suddenly you feel a gust of fear, as if you have been touched by an icy cold wind. But it is not your body that has been chilled. Slowly, with growing sense of dread, you pass through the gate... Cremation Ground You are in a cremation ground, a place where bodies are taken for burning... All around you are partially decomposed bodies, which have not yet been fed to the flames. This is an ancient place, and the ground is covered with bones as far as you can see, countless bones, gleaming white bones, heaps of bones, human bones. Human skulls grin at you in the moonlight, as if they share a secret that you do not know... Your heart pounds as you walk slowly through the cremation grounds... Ancient, brittle bones crunch under your feet. They splinter, and the splinters pierce your skin, and you begin to bleed as you walk. You are only distantly aware of this. You keep walking as if you are possessed.. Around you the night air is also pierced, pierced with the eerie cries of feeding jackals, the throaty laugh of feasting hyenas. The air is filled with the soft, gentle sounds of black feathers brushing against the black night. The air is filled with the harsh croak of carrion crows, the cries of ravens, the deep-throated rumbling of vultures with blood on their feathers, blood on their bald heads... Your gaze is drawn to one of the partially decomposed bodies, and you see that amongst the rotting flesh, there are millions upon millions of teeming white maggots. The lesson is obvious, if you think about it... The living feed on the dead. Life feeds on death. There is no escape from this truth... If you live, you live on the life force of the dead - whether it is another animal, or a living, respiring plant. This is the inescapable truth. But it is hard to see yourself as a source of food for another being. These are not deer or cattle being consumed here in the cremation ground. They are people. Ultimately, they are you.. How can you live knowing this? How can you live well without knowing this? The World as it is. The truth is what it is... You continue to walk through the bones. The jackals slink away as you approach; the hyenas threaten before melting away, the ravens look at you with yellow unblinking eyes as they fly away into the night. You realize that you,and the jackal, and the hyena, and the raven are all one, are all sisters. They no longer seem so alien, or so disgusting, or so fearful... The Fire Curious, you approach a cremation pit in which the fire is still burning... A partially burned corpse lies upon a bed of glowing red-orange coals... Here the air is filled with the smell of burning flesh, burning human flesh... The fire will remove the remaining physical body. Fire is purification... Soon only the pure white bones will remain to glisten in the moonlight... Soon this skull will be liberated from the bounds of the flesh. Soon it will join the other skulls, grinning in the moonlight... As you watch the flames, you become aware that you are not alone here... Another woman is walking here at night, here in the cremation ground... This woman is old. She walks slowly, and painfully, as if crippled with arthritis. She is clothed in a red sari with silver trim. Her unbound hair is long, and as white as the gleaming bones. She comes near you, looks carefully straight into your eyes, and she smiles radiantly. But she says nothing at all... As you watch, she turns away from you and walks straight into the fire pit... Her bare feet step lightly over the glowing crimson coals. As she walks, her steps become less slow and painful. Her steps are sure. She reaches the very center of the fire pit... The woman steps on to the burning body. You see her standing on the remains of the corpse. She turns back to face you. She is still smiling. She lowers herself into the lotus position and begins to meditate. The fire creeps up to her, eagerly, like fat little puppies wanting to play. Little flames begin to fondle the silver trim of her red sari. Soon the sari catches fire, and the little flames begin to dance up her body. She is still smiling, deep in meditation, deep in bliss. The flames creep higher... They ignite her flowing hair, and the pure white mass turns flaming red and orange. Flames wreathe her smiling face, for she is still smiling, still deep in unbroken meditation. Her skin begins to smoke, and to blacken. Her sari is completely consumed; she is naked under the moonlight. A black cloud of smoke settles around her head. It forms a mass of black, tangled, disheveled hair. She lifts her arms to the night sky, and you see that she has four. Each hand carries a familiar symbol: a trident, a severed head, a sword, a bowl full of blood.. As you watch, transfixed, Kali rises to her feet and dances among the flames, dancing upon the blissful, prostrate body of her husband, the Lord Shiva. Watch Kali dance. This is what you have come so far to see... With an open hand, Kali beckons you to join her. You are drawn irresistibly to the Terrible Mother. You walk forward. Your bare foot touches a live coal. Pain shoots through your whole body. But Kali is inside you now as well as outside of you. You find that the pain does not really matter; it is only physical, only a limitation of this Earth, only one of Maya's illusions. You take another step, and then another. You walk straight into the burning heart of the fire. Your own sari catches fire, yet your heart remains calm. Your sari burns away, and now you too are naked like Kali, free, like Kali. Your own hair catches fire, and turns into smoke. Your own skin begins to blacken. And you know... Now you too are Kali. Know this, and dance among the flames. Dance with the Terrible Mother, here in the cremation ground... The dance is over. Kali takes your hand, and together you walk out of the fire pit. The woman Kali is no longer old. Her steps are easy and light, no longer halting. Her hair is a glossy rich black. She is transformed into a beautiful young woman. You feel that Kali's fire has transformed you as well. What is it that you transformed into? Do you need a mirror to see it? Then look deep into Kali Ma's three eyes... You will see yourself mirrored within... Slaying the Demon In the distance you hear bells, drums, sweet music. Women are chanting the praises to Kali, and praises to Durga, the mother of Kali. You are drawn to this powerful sound. Kali bids you to follow your heart, and to go and seek the truth about yourself. The Terrible Mother bids you to go from her side and find healing... You are loathe to leave Kali Ma, but you know that you must. You turn away from her radiant blackness, her terrible beauty. You seek the source of the chanting. It comes from the South, from a vast temple. As you go closer, the music becomes louder, sweeter, the drum beats more insistent... You feel the holy ecstasy of the chanters... The chanters are women, dressed all in red. Love shines out of their eyes... Power radiates from their hearts. They are priestesses of Kali Ma. One of them looks up and sees you... "Ah, you have come at last! Mother told us to expect you. Sit down and listen to my words.. "Kali deals in death, but she is not evil. Often, it is evil which she kills. The severed head that she carries belongs to an evil Demon whom she slew in battle when none of the Gods could defeat him. Now the Demon's head is a symbol of the death of evil.. "The severed head is also a symbol for the slaying of the human ego. Are these two symbols so different? What does your ego do for you? What does your ego do _to_ you? Your ego may block your spiritual evolution. This is when Kali steps in, sword in hand. She is here to help you.. "But Kali seldom uses her sword herself; it is you who must pick it up and use it. Kali offers healing. But her healing is not the gentle administration of herbs, not the gentle binding of wounds. Kali is like the surgeon facing a patient with a gangrenous leg. The patient is attached to her leg; she does not want to let go of it even if it is clearly rotten, even if it is black and bloated, even if it is spreading poison and death throughout the rest of the body.. "Letting go of such ego-bound attachment is such a difficult decision! But if the woman will not let go, she will die. She will be reborn of course, but she will not progress up the great spiral; she will merely be sent back to the same level to try again. How many life times will she refuse this challenge? How many life times will she refuse to learn this lesson? How many life times will she refuse to let go? "Think! What part of you is rotten? What part of you is black and bloated, spreading poison that is eating up your spirit, bit by bit, so slowly that you do not even see it? What is the source of the poison that courses within you? "Which of Maya's illusions holds you in thrall? Is is material wealth? Is it pride? Is it another human soul? Have you bound yourself to another so tightly that your own self is lost? "Seek the source of the poison! Find this source! "And when you find it, Kali's sword stands ready to heal you." The Mountain The Priestess of Kali continues speaking to you. "Here is a lesson that may help you. Sit and meditate: You have decided to climb a mountain. At first the going is easy; the trail is well-marked and you walk over gentle, nearly flat ground. You walk up and up, journeying higher and higher. As you ascend, the trail becomes less well marked, the ground rockier, the scenery more intense, the air thinner. Now walking requires exertion. You feel your muscles cramp and protest; your lungs strain, your head aches... "Still, the mountain continues to rise. Still, you must continue to climb... Now the trail has disappeared entirely and you must scramble up over the rocks, making your own path, seeking only to go higher and higher. Your route becomes steeper and steeper. You reach a place where there is only a solid wall of rock, a steep cliff face. Still you must climb higher.. "You feel for cracks in the rock face where you can find a foothold, or a handhold. Each move must be thought out; each move seems to take forever... Though your progress is slow, and your heart pounds, you are still rising... The rock wall looms steeper yet. You must strain to find a space for even a toe or a single finger to grip. You begin to wonder: how long can I continue upward? Still, the mountain continues to rise, so you must continue your climb.. "You look down. Below you there is only space. The ground so far below, so lost in the gray mist that it might not even be there anymore. You look up. Above you there is only rock, overhanging rock, sheer rock with no place for you to grip with even a single finger.. "You are frozen to the rock face. You cannot climb up. You cannot climb down. For a frozen time you hang, suspended, terrified. There seems to be no end to this mountain. Perhaps there is no end to this mountain.. "What can you do? Slowly, very deliberately, you let go your hold on the mountain. The feeling of release when yu finally do let go is pure bliss.. "Ask yourself: What mountain are you still trying to climb?" The Dakini Temple You are back in the temple of Kali, back with the chanting priestesses... Your priestess motions for you to be silent, and to look around the temple. It is time for you to do pooja, which is personal worship.. You approach an image of Kali, a great bronze statue, huge, ornate, well-detailed. Kali is trimmed in gold. Her image is nearly covered with mounds of flowers left by other worshippers: red roses, scarlet hibiscus, crimson opium poppies. Brightly colored malas wreath Her image... The air is so heavy with the scent of incense, rose, nag champa, and patchouli, that you can scarcely breath. You choose an incense, and offer it to Kali. You lay flowers at her feet, beside an ornate sword... Kali herself is a blue so deep as to be seen as black. All of the colors of the rainbow are lost within her radiant blackness.. Her three eyes stare deeply into your spirit as you light the ghee lamp and offer the five sacred flames to the Goddess. It is said that one of Kali's eyes gazes upon the past, her second eye gazes upon the present, and her third eye, the eye in her forehead, gazes into the future. Kali can see all time at once. Her name itself means "time", and like time she devours all things, and yet Kali herself is timeless. She can see into your heart: how you came to be, what you are now, what you may become. She sees what part of yourself that you offer her now, as you pick up the sword of Kali and begin to dance.. Your dance done, your pooja complete, you spiral away from the center and examine the rest of the temple. You see that this is a Dakini Temple, for all around Kali, the gray stones walls are alive with dancing images of Dakinis, embodiments of female power and wisdom. The breasts and hips of the Dakinis are carved full and round. Their scupltured eyes glint, their mouths smile, their bodies seem to writhe in the fire light. There are 64 Dakinis here, each one an expression of an archetypal energy found in all women, each one found in you. You are in the Center, you are the Center. The 64 Dakinis circle around you. They dance and spin around you, faster and faster still. Their forms shimmer, and become a blur.. They dissolve into gray mist. The Dakini temple itself dissolves. And you yourself dissolve..