In my lifetime I have seen many things, I have done more bad then I ever could do good. I have remained true to myself and true to those who have mattered. I have done many of things and yet the best, most greatest thing I have ever done was give birth to my angel, Brianna, nothing even compares to her. Many people have come and gone from my life, some by chance, others choice. I held some close, and some got pushed aside. My focus was always me me me and if one couldn't do for me, they'd be gone. Time and time again I made no apologies for my actions, for who and what I was..and now, after all is said and done I feel as if I need to REALLY come clean with how I feel and bare all for the world to see. It's time to REVEAL THE REAL ME!!!
I am Kelly [hi Kelly] and I feel as if perhaps i've been overlooked, perhaps by myself. I am not the best person in the world and I have hurt people I said I loved, it is now that I must explain myself, not for you..but for me. I live in a fairytale land made up by my alter ego, the joyus childlike person who lives in my heart. I am best described as a heartless, meanspirited person who enjoy pain at someone else's expense. I must admit, sadly, yes. I am her. :-(
I am not happy with any of that, I find it sickening and yet I do nothing to fix it, I mean what can I do anyhow? I am a slave to my feelings, and it is sad. I used to have a great man, for 5 years he was my rock, the one person I trusted other then myself. We lived the carefree life, I loved him with all I was and knew how to be. We had a child, the most perfect little girl one could have, yet we faltered. Grew apart. Now hatred fuels us. It is sad. I depise the one person I used to love more then life itself. My bloods boils when I see him, I hate all he is and ever was. It is I tho I should hate, who I became while with him caused him to wanna go. It's not easy, for me anyhow to hate myself, and so he carries the burden.
My current life up until most recent was crappy too. I would wake up angry and really not know why. I'd wanna scream and hurt people for no good reason then to just do it. I faught with those I loved yet again and tried my best to push them away. It's a sad circle of shit I manage to do to myself time and time again. Oneday however I woke up from my trance of bullshit and decided to be who I was. I did it. I've been happy. I mean so friggin happy I am beside myself. I have an awesome man [Chris] who makes me soo flippin happy, who feeds me the positive vibes I needed, who loves me despite the crap I may try and do. I am blessed. I thank God for allowing me to begin the hard task of rebuilding my soul. I feel honored to have such a great man by my side. He is all I could ask for.
Brianna and Chris complete me.
She teaches me about life everyday, to view the innocense of everyday activities thru her eyes makes my insides smile. Her love is so pure, so sweet. Her laughs bring on new life within me. I have an angel sent from heaven to guide me and make sure I never feel deep pain again.
He is amazing. I love this man more then life itself. He makes me laugh when I don't even wanna smile. He makes me yearn for his touch, the warmth of his kiss, the tingle of his embrace. I knew love before him, but he has since reawakened the dead parts to my soul. I never understood "being inlove" until he graced me with his presence. I would die for this man, for he is all that is good.
I say this is the final chapter because this is how ai want it to be, forever. Total happiness, total peace of mind.
