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Wow, it sure has been awhile since I have wrote on here. I am sitting here bored and I have a lot on my chest so I am guessing this is a good time to maybe get it all out and maybe some of you all will leave comments to tell me if IM right or wrong for acting the way I have been lately. I promise not to make this too long!
Sometime in June of this year I decided to move out of my father's house and move in with the boyfriend that I have been with a little over two years now. I felt bad for his brother and him because they help take care of their mother and uncle. Carlton and Chris' father passed away in November of 2009. Their mom pays $500 of the rent and that is all that she pays. The rest of her money she blows at bingo. It's ridiculous really. I wish I could stay home all day and just go to bingo and spend about $30 a night and go 5 nights a week. I mean you do the math on that. Sometimes she spends even more than that. Oh, and the uncle doesn't pay a friggin dime towards anything. He lays in bed pretty much all day. We are lucky if he gets up and does the dishes in the sink. This bothered me but not as much as the next paragraph!
About a month ago Chris (Carlton's brother) met this girl. They hit it off pretty good. After a week after meeting this girl she moves in. Even after typing this it all sounds like it was set up. She said that her mom kicked her out of the house. I believe the whole time was just an excuse so she could move in. Anyway, so this girl lives here right!?! She DOESN'T have to help pay any of the bills or anything. She does buy some food for the house on food stamps but I don't get no choice of food or whatever I want. It's like a one sided thing. How is it fair to me!?! Am I wrong for being pissy lately!?! As I sit at my computer many nights I just sit here and wonder why I feel like I am being used. I feel like I am not wanted here. I'm only wanted maybe because I do pay a third of the bills. I stay pretty much to myself. I don't care to be around certain things when people are in a room. I feel lonely. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep for no reason. I had a dream about the ex the other night and it really scared me. IM thinking he has gone down the wrong path once again! IM not worried that he will get locked up again, but IM just worried that he is going to end up dead somewhere. When I had a chance to get with L---s (You know who you are) I should've jumped for it. I jumped too late now. I know you have a girlfriend. So that was my luck. I mean I really do love the one that I am with but all the shit that goes on at the house I don't know how much more that I can put up with or what to do. I have told him if I move out that I am done with him. It's like his brother tries to control everyone. Well, I have news for him! He sure as hell aint going to try that with me. So the question is do I need to calm my butt down and do what I need to do, or say screw it and move out. All comment welcome!
