The TOKEN's blog: "Just Thoughts"

I've been thinking here lately... about a few things. I just ask that you be respectful if you choose to post any comments. The Holiday season is here, we all want to spend time with family, and loved ones. About this time last year, i posted a note about spending time with family, and how fortunate we are to get that luxury, while hundreds of thousands, if not millions of our troops are on the seas or overseas, in foreign countries and waters with out that luxury. We need not to forget about them. Don't worry, i'm not going to ask you to give or send anything to them, but just remember them, and cherish the time you have with your family. Another thing on my mind, is that it's been half a year since my horrible end of my once beautiful relationship. I had chosen to remain single due to the fact that i have not been able to allow myself to trust females in a relationship. (no offense to any females that may read this) It's just been really hard because i put more than i had, and more than what i should into something i thought i was being given in return. Only to find out she laid in bed with another man, or men, while i was out to sea on the way home returning from deployment. That relationship was one of my main reasons for coming home. That was a BIG mistake i made. Honestly, i wish i had stayed in. I'd still have my truck, I'd still have a place on my own, and I'd still have guaranteed job security for at least 2 or 3 more years. Honestly, i've also been thinking of going back to active duty. This is going to sound weird, but that's where i'm comfortable. That's where my comfort zone is. Maybe it's because i jumped into it literally right out of high school, and that i was what i knew for 4 years. I felt good about what i did, and do now that i'm in the reserves. Yeah, when i was gone, i missed my family, and worried about what would happen to any of them while i was gone. It was unfortunate that i did lose a family member shortly after i left for deployment, but there's nothing that can be done about that now. He's in a better place. Maybe, i'm going through some kind of postpartum depression, but i really don't feel comfortable in the civilian world. I'm still used to the military world, the rules, regulations, getting to tell people off with out getting in trouble and getting justification for it, teaching people, learning from people, meeting new people, making new friends, developing a new family, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, sharing joys and pains, dealing with stress, helping others deal with theirs. It's not the same in the civilian life. If i had known the economy was going to take the turn it did (thanks, Bush) i would have stayed. But right now, i'd been with a lot of friends who care, who needed me, who i needed. I looked after them, they looked after me... Going out to bars in different countries and enjoying the hospitality of the host country. It's a shame a Sailor, Marine, Soldier, or Airman can't even get the same hospitality from the local bar down the street or in a city, here, in his or her own country. It's a shame. For America to be the most powerful, free-will country in the world, and we, as Americans take it for granted. Though, i'm not ashamed to be an American, I'm just ashamed of how we, again as Americans take the simple liberties for granted. A lot of stuff we do on a regular basis would get people killed by the government in some countries i've been to. I love my country. But it kills me to know that we for granted what a lot of places only wish they had. Only people in the military, closely connected, or directly affected by the military really understand that. I tagged a quite a few people with this blog on Facebook, most of them i worked with. The became like family to me, brothers and sisters. Others i tagged for different reasons. Some of them are on the ship that i served on, over seas right now, not coming home til sometime next year. Missing holidays with their own families, spending time with another one they've sort of adopted, or been adopted to. I'd do anything in a heart beat for any of these people. Most of them helped me out when i needed it most, and probably wouldn't hesitate to help out again. I thank them for their help. I'll cut it short for now. For everyone who i tagged, when ever you get a chance to read this, I just want you to know that you all have my sincere thanks for helping me become who i am today. And you will for ever have my respect. Thank you.