Darkheart's blog: "Just thoughts"

Just my mind and heart is full tonight. So many thoughts and feelings that I'm tired but restless. So i sit here once again writing out those thoughts and feelings dear to me,instead of sharing them. So here go's nothing. Most of you won't get this. Laughter and tears rolling through like storms. Lust and hate fill the air. Kisses and touch rush over like waves. Pains and sadness rip at the soul . Time runs away like the tide. Souls cross and cross again. Screams and dreams mix again. Lost and found become one. Safe and danger blur into one. Outside becomes inside. Through it all a soul remains.

As i got up that morning ,i had the feeling that I wasn't alone. I walked in to the bathroom and got hit by the thought of the night before. As i turned on the hot shower,i could feel the feeling of being watched grow stronger. As i got my body covered in the soft musk body wash,i got hit with a smell that was all male. Then i could feel arms and a mouth on my body,but i couldn't move,it was like time stopped. As his teeth nibble my neck and he's large hands slide over my body ,as if they were water. i shivered,then it passed. As i got out of the shower and dried myself off, I had to ask myself was i crazy. As i was get my blue top on the phone rang. i reach over and it was the store telling me that my order had come in, and that i needed to come get it at 2:00 instead of 1:00 . I said ok,I'll have my lunch first then stop by afterwords. I headed down the stairs,as i hit the last step, i got hit by roses and this time i saw a new girl,she was in all blue, and had dark brown hair. She was holding a hand of an older man ,they were headed for the back door. I went back to the kitchen and started to work on the last 4 box's in there. As i was moving my dishes I heard laughter coming from the backyard, i turn around and looked out and saw nothing but the gardens and the yard swing and that was it. i went back to work and wonder how much more i would see before the day was over.

As I finished up with the dinning room,i headed up to the master bedroom. I knew that I had a lot of work to do yet before I could sleep. As I started to clear off the bed of box's,i got another chill. This time I got hit with smell of sweat and sex. I open the window and breath in the crisp night air,this time the smell was to stronger to be female. I shook my head just as I did i heard a wolves howl in the night. Then I turned back to the box's and said screw it,i needed a hot bath or shower. I had made sure the water and bathrooms in the place were up to code and working. So as I look at the deep wide tub,i couldn't wait to get naked and in the deep pool of sweet pea bath water. I slipped out of my lose fitting shorts and tight tank top and took of the strapless bra and breath deep of the sweet smelling water. I slipped in to the tub and thought man there's enough room in here for two other people besides me,hehe. As I started to was the sweat and dust from my body, i got another chill. Then my head started to dance then it cleared. Only to see a tall dark haired man and the tan girl from earlier, they were standing right next to me and they were washing each other,and the smell of lillys and my sweat peas mixed. Then another chill and he was washing her with a cloth enjoying the way the water slipped down her slim body . She let out a little moan,then another chill then I was alone once again. I finished washing my body and hair. Then i pulled myself out of the huge tub, and started to dry myself off. After all my parts were dry, I pulled my hair back in to a lose pony. As I slipped in to my pale green night shirt , i got hit with another chill. This time it was my redhead dancer again,she was wearing nothing but a robe and here red main was down to her back. She was brushing it out and humming to herself. Then a chill and she was gone. I got out of the bathroom and shook my head,and thought how silly I was being. After making room for me on the bed and a clear path to the bathroom, I crawled in to the big soft bed and hope that my visitors wouldn't bug me to bad tonight,Had a lot to do tomorrow here and in town. With all the running around i would be doing,it wouldn't be until the wee hours of the morning when I'd get back to this soft bed. That's all I got for now.

A new place a new start!! Where no one knows you , what a great start to a weekend. As I packed up my bags and box's. I couldn't help but wonder where this new start would lead me. Would I find fun and friends or nothing but trouble,and if trouble would it be the good kind or the bad kind. I couldn't tell. As I walked through the halls of my new home, I could tell that the walls would have a lot to say if they could. Because this old house just had the feeling of stories and a lot of lives. So as I opened the door to the room that would be my dinning room, I couldn't help but wonder if the stories i heard in town were true. This room was huge,it could have easily been a dance room . I laugh as my thoughts filled with women in low cut dress and high heels dancing for the rich men of this sleepy little town. Just as I thought of a vale redhead dancing for her meal, I got the chill that I had got the first day I was brought here. I remembered that chill that day when i saw this house,with it's many floors and many colored windows. I just shake my head and went back to putting the dishes on the stands ,that i got for last x-mess. Then I went back out to the main hall and grabbed the next box. Just as I was headed for the dinning room again I got hit by the smell of cherries and I thought of the golden headed ,curvy female from my dream last night at the inn. I couldn't help but wondered why ever little step I took in this sleepy little town sit off this images in my mind. Who were these people and why they keep teasing me. As I started to unpack the next box in the dinning room, I got hit by the image of my redheaded dancer again,but this time she wasn't alone she was shaking her hips as a dark haired man hold up her skirts. I shook my head and thought man with the way these images keep dancing in my head ,you'd think i was sex starved. Which was 50/50. I mean would you count one night stands about 6 weeks ago to long or not long enough. I laughed at myself again,talking to yourself again you silly kitten. Then I headed out for another box of stuff for the dinning room. As I got down on my knees to get the box of candles, the smell of cherries surrounded me and the golden headed,curvy female was back in my mind,but this time she wasn't by herself,she had a small tan female with hair the color of carmel fudge. They seemed to be having fun at get each others skirts off,as if it was a race between them to see who could make the other naked first. I shake my head and got up with the box in hand when I got another one of those chills. I thought man how much more of this was I going to have to take. Not that it was all that bad ,had worse things happen to me ,but man I'm only human I could only take so much watching ,before i wanted to get some of my own. So I just shook my head and thought that this first few weeks here were going to be anything but boring!! That's all I got for now hope you enjoy it!!

I've reached the end of my rope. Most of my writing of late has been not even worth looking at,and most of my friends have left me behind. So this will be the last blog for awhile. Not sure where it'll go from here. Just know i got tons of feeling that need a outlet. So if I say a few things that hurt you or upset you I'm sorry but enough of holding my tongue. First off yes I wear my heart out there for anyone to see, don't like it then piss off. Second yes I let people get close to me,but i can't go through life like the rest of you who scared to be seen for who you really are.Yes at times i can be a pain in the butt,but if you were truthful you'd say ya I'm a pain in the butt to.Also don't judge me before you know me. Another thing how would you know that I 'm not just like you until you stop being snobs and judge me. Yes i let other peoples push my feeling aside ,but at least i know other people have feelings. I also may be the biggest fool out there,but the hell with it ,this is the only life we get so why waste it on being jerks and bitch's to every who crosses your path. Just because i live my life the way i want to don't mean that it's not as good as yours. I also may have a lot of strange ways about me,but just because their strange don't mean their not really. Also what the hell is it with people who say one thing and do another, that's just wrong . If your going to do it then just do it instead of lieing about it. Another thing my world doesn't run around you so stop getting pissed if I don't kiss your butt. Also I'm getting sick of always being the one there and no one being there for me, so for now on if your not going to be there for me when i need you then don't waste my time. So to all those so called friends of mine who I've been there for, now it's your turn,and if not there then so long have a nice f*cking life!!

So as I stepped out in to the night, the animal in me took over. My body switched over to alert mode. As I walked in to the night, I thought of all that I had on me. I had one pear of clothing,that was what i wore. I had 2 small daggers and a small whip. Then I had a small bag of jewels and a small amount of money. I also had some herbs on me. That was all I had to my name. As I came to the crossroads that were about 50 feet from my town . I had to think about what my grandmother had said. "Remember dear go left and you face the mountains and the thick woods,Go right and you face the plains and the swamps. Which ever way you go dear you face dangers of that way. Just like life,either way you go you face danger." As I remembered her words ,it was like being 10 all over again. When she had taken a group of us kids out for one of her walk abouts. As I looked both ways, I thought about pro/con of both ways. If i go left I could use my shifting powers with out any draw backs, but it was the longer way to the next town. But if I go right I could have more kills and what every my kills had on them,but I would have to do it in human shape. Thought which way would my grandmother take. She would go left,she thought the slower you do things the better off you'd be. So I turned and headed into the woods that would lead to the mountains. It was darker then I thought it would be. So I knew if I wanted to get through without getting caught in the elf's traps I'd have to shift. This part of the woods was home to the clan of silver blood, they were very touch who passed through there home. But which ship should I shift in to. The fox or The panther. I thought and I shifted in to the fox, after all it was smaller and if there was any elf's in the area it'd be a little harder for them to see me. I jumped up in to the first tree that I came to and started to sneak through,making sure I used the shadows fully

As the day fades in to the night, I can feel the animal in me awaken. True I was young,when thinking of the ones before me. In our bloodline, no 18year old had ever gain the sight that I had. Child of my age may have the power to shift in two shape of our bloodline. As well as the sight of one of the 3 eyes. But to have a child of 18 ,to have power over all three was only heard of every 500 years. Most of the time it was a male child. So it was nerve racking for the others to see me. Before long I was cast out of the everyday group. No one wanted to talk to the freak of the town. Before long my own family did the same. So here in the spring moon of my 20th year I was out on my own. As I walked down the silver paths outside my home town , I wondered where would they lead me. That was what sucked about the power of all 3 sights, they only came to you when they wanted to, you couldn't force them to happen.

I've been sick for the last 2 weeks which is why I haven't been on. But geting better so I'll be replying to the comments that were posted while I was sick!! Thank you to all those who have been showing me love!! Love you guys,I'll get to you when I can!!

Another year has gone by, in a few seconds it'll be Aug. 8 my b-day. As I sit here and think another year wow!! I can't help hash out a few things in my mind, so my friends just hang in there with me, not sure where this blog is going! Let's see another year and what can I say. My mind is full and my soul screaming for answers. My heart is heavy tonight. You think that everything that I've gone through in these last few years would make me ready for anything. I've gone through hell a few times this year and I've gone to heaven a few times as well. But when it all comes down to it it's a bit hard to know what is the things that mean the most to me. I can't answer that. I mean you think about it and does anyone really truly know what means the most to them out of all that is our life. I mean I think about the past and man I don't even know what to think or feel right now. First I find out about the shadowy part of me ,then I make a family out of the others in the shadows. Then life pulls us apart and i relearn how to be alone then we get put back in the mixer. Now I'm to another crossroad of life. So strange how we forget and forgive and all that's in between. How we lose some dear ones then get more dear ones. It's enough to get me lost all over again. What to do when your out of tune. MY HEART IS FULL , MY SOUL IS EMPTY AND MY MIND IS WANDERING. Now I'll stop boring you all!

As I tried to get away from the male wolf I couldn't. Once again there was a blur of energy and I found myself face to face with a man that was wild. His eyes still burned like the sun. I thought to myself what will he do now that he's pin me. So I was about to hit him with all the power I had in me, when he let up on the bite. Not enough for me to break away but enough to slow the pain. Next he started to lick the mark he made on me. Slow and soft, in a way that made me think of other places for him to put his tongue. I found myself wishing that he would. My nipples started to grow hard. That's when my mind got jolted back to here and now. I open my eyes to see what had brought me back to the here and now. To my delight Anna had slipped in to the hot tub. She looked good in the all purple suit. She smiled at me and said"Didn't mean to shock you. " I smiled what else could i do,she had jolted me from thoughts that still bug me in ways I wasn't ready for. We talked some more mainly about the land and who all lived where. As we talked I could tell that the dreams still had a hold of me,for my breast ached and my mind keep slipping back to the smell of blood and male. As I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head,I saw that Anna know as well as I did. She started to move close to me. She smiled and before I had time to reacted she started to tease me with nibbling on my neck and rubbing my side. All I could do was lay back and let her tongue and hands work their magic . As she handled my body's need my mind once again was filled with thoughts of him and the things he did in my dreams. That's all i got for now,I'll right more later!