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What are you waiting for?
ok... so here i am... sittin at a freinds house... talkin to a friend on yahoo.. and I am told that you shouldn't worry... but your man just went to see his ex cause he had to... I tried to ride with him... but he wouldn't let me... but you don't need to worry... i dont think anything will happen...
What the HELL kinda bullshit is that?
Why wasn't i informed? I tell him everything... Yet the kindness can't be returned?
I don't know what to do anymore people.. I really don't.... I am so confused... I trust him... but I am still scared that he might leave me...
I don't know... I just don't know...
Leave your comments.. lemme know what you think...
All I know is... I need to go to bed... cause this shyt is rediculas
So... Here I am... Wondering why I try to please the people that I do... And not focus more on the people who deserve my attention, devotion, friendship, love, understanding, and just plain caring ways... I work my ass off to make the people in my everyday life happy... and what does it get me? Heartache, Confusion, Less Friends then I would like to have, and just plain emptiness... I don't know what to do about anything anymore... (NONE OF THIS IS MENT TOWARDS THE PEOPLE I LIVE WITH)... Just seems like I can't make anyone happy... I have lost 3 very near and very dear friends to me... 1 Because I refused to give him a number ... another one cause he is the boyfriend to the first one... And 3 cause I am just not there for her like I should have been... But you know what? With all the shyt I am dealin with in my real life... I can't be there for everyone... I have my mom coming at me from one side... the law from another... court from another and my kids .. I am fuking surrounded... Does anyone get off their fuking high horse to stop and think for a minute, DAMN Maybe Shawna (A.K.A Shorty) DOES need me to be there for her more, support her like she has supported me... Does anyone? Hell fukin no... They stay on their high horse and ride the fuk right on by... Forgettin about me cause they are to shallow and foolish enough to relize (until its to late) maybe I SHOULD have been there for her... Asked her how her day or week went instead of unloading all my shyt on her as soon as I seen her get online or called her... But nope... ya don't... You just continue to call, YIM or e-mail me and tell me EVERYTHING that is wrong in your life... not giving a FUK about what might be wrong in mine...
Well you know what... fuk you all... I don't care anymore... I don't need anyone in my life but my kids, my TRUE friends, And what little bit of my family that is there for me still, in my life... I am honestly at that point... If you don't wanna be my friend, but you are still talkin to me cause you feel sorry for me, Pity me, or just think you need to be there but you ignore me or look over me most of the time... Then just take me offa your damn friends list... I don't need you... I need the extra worry, stress, long nights of no sleep cause I am scared that you are goin to do something stupid or retarded to hurt yourself... Fuk it all anymore... I am NOT dealin with YOUR bullshyt on top of mine... I refuse to... I have enough on my plate... I don't need your servings added to it... If you can't handle it... Oh fukin well... I don't care anymore... was nice knowing you when we did know each other... Peace... Have a great life... Hope it all goes well for you... I pray that you will find someone out there that will be there for you like I was... cause there are a BUNCH of fakes out there... and I am and always will be one of the realest people you will ever begin to know... So take care... Be safe... and God help your souls if you should meet the wrong people who will use and abuse you... cause I never would have... But you didn't stick around long enough to find that out on your own...
Later To Everyone That Deletes Me After All This... And To Everyone That Decides To Keep Me... I Will Talk To You All Later...
Forever the REAL
Shawna Mackey
