As I was going to work today I couldnt help but think. You see going to and from work I have alot of time to myself to think. Why is it that when we are alone by ourselves are thoughts seem to come out more clearly?
Everyday I think of the same thing going to work and then from work, but then there are those times where other thoughts come in. Some good and some bad. I cant help but think that I get paranoid when I have this alone time to think. Dont we all get like this sometimes. Who can honestly say that when they were alone with their thoughts that they didnt get some paranoia, depression or other down bringing thoughts.
Lately I have been doing alot of thinking, maybe even some questioning about alot of things. My only hope is not to fall off the wagon. I know I have gone here before but the last several months only keep me to this, What is going to happen as time goes on. For those that dont know me and for those that do, the one fact that I have to face in my life is history repeating itself. Whose to say I wont end up like the ones before me. To fight back one demon I have to silence it with another. One of my demons I have to say is drinking. To see it and live with it has done its toll on me. I know that if I were to start I couldnt stop. And as I get older I realize that these urges grow more each day.
I know I cant live my life like that, never again. I promised myself this years ago. There have been times when I have had a drink, but each time there as always been someone there to remind me of what is happening. Lets then remove those who put comfort in, what then? Are we ever strong enough to fight our demons on our own?
