lil red devilFREAK R US FAMILY MEMBER's blog: "just thinking"

after reading a friends blog i had to sit and think and look over at my three childred sleeping, how could god or who ever or what ever you beleive in take the life of a child, they are so innocent to the world around them that it doesnt seem to be fair when we have ppl out there killing others and using others to get farther in life or just for sshear pleaure in themselfs. i myself went threw a life lesson 6 years ago when my son was born premie and they wernt sure if he was going to make it, it makes you stop and relixe what you have and what you stand to loose, im not sure if i caould live life with out my kids and i know i wouldnt want to, children are gods way of letting you know life will go on, they say anyways so how can a child be taken away from this earth , and life go on,, its not something you sit and think about every day and maybe it should be something you think about to relixe life is a gift and it can be taken away at any time from disease or from just getting out of bed, sure there is always that chance today is your last day , so why worry about the lil things in life when you have a family that needs you and loves ones to take care of , i guess im just going on and on here but , thinknig about losing a child, i guess it just hits me hard, to the familys out there that have my heart goes out to you to the familys with there xhildren still look at them and i mean really look at them put the image you see in your mind and keep it never let it go because it could be the last you have,, sorry for the long wind going on here but i just had to get this off my chest charish your kids love them like no one else because guess what no one else can, a mother nad fathers love is the best love around , it goes deeper then anything else no matter if your pissed at them or they are pissed at you , you still love them and you would do anything for them i know i would!!!!!!!

do you ever feel like the life you have been living is the life you dont want. maybe im just confused or maybe im going insane i dont know which it is , maybe its both. open your heart and show your love close your heart to not feel the pain show your feelings to the one you love hide your feelings for the one you love love for today love for tomorow, but mostly love for right now......

i got to see my bubby saturday it was cool hadnt seen him in awhile,, love that man lol didnt think he was comming out but he did. a friend got me up on the damn ramp to dance i could of killed her but then again i was drunk really didnt care. but glad she had a good time thats all that mattered.. well till next time all have a great night love to all

its amazing here i am with 3 kids that are in school and here goes there mom back to school, to collage anyways. what do they think about it well my oldest thinks its cool middle she not to sure yet and my youngest thinks im going to his hes only in kindergarden so he thinks mom is gonna be with him. why im doing it well, i had my children young at 20 i wanted to go back then and well taking care of them did not allow me too. so now there all in so why dont i, made sense when i signed up now i cant beleive this but part of me is worried, what is it dont all come back to me lord i hope it does, be the new kid lol that always sucks. well i hope i can do this, i needto do this i told my husband it was for the kids but i think more its for me , it has to be for me to get threw this, if not for me then it wont work. ill need there support there help but im sure they will. gonna be strange me tellnig them to be quiet so i can study now theres a flip usually im telling younget ones to be quiet so oldest can study. maybe we will makea study time were we can do it together. well wish me lick i start november 20th. so here i go 31 and back to school

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Tearjerker by Korn KORN LYRICS "Tearjerker" Well I wish there was someone Well I wish there was someone To love me When I used to be someone And I knew there was someone That loved me As I sit here frozen alone Even ghosts get tired and go home As they crawl back under the stones And I wish there was something Please tell me there's something better And I wish there was something more than this Saturated loneliness And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could steal it Abduct it, corrupt it, but I never can it's just saturated loneliness Does the silence get lonely? Does the silence get lonely? Who knows? I've been hearing it tell me I've been hearing it tell me Go home Cause the freaks are playing tonight They packed up and turned out the lights And I wish there was something Please tell me there's something better And I wish there was something more than this Saturated loneliness And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could steal it Abduct it, corrupt it, but I never can It's just saturated loneliness And the bath waters cold And this life's getting old And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could steal it Abduct it, corrupt it And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could steal it And I wish I could feel it Abduct it, corrupt it But I never can I never can Never Can Never Can Never Can _________________________________________________

well its tuesday and not much going on like normal been sick the last week not sure whats going on but everyone bugging me to go to doctor got to have the money and the time to do that it will pass just like it did the last time,,, been alot of stress the last week maybe thats whats causing all the pain could be lil boy turned 6 this week damn i sware im getting old nnaaa hubby getting old not me trying to figure out what we are gonna do move or stay here kinda pushing to move away from here to another town get away from the drama of galion lol and there sure is alot but when its a lil town thats what you get im hoping to have some things in my writings soon once i get the time that might help me get some of this shit off my chest so hopefully ill get some done untill then peace love and all that happy shit

well first blog lets see what to put well have you ever felt like you are trapped in a big hole and cant seem to clim out to reach the day light... thats kinda how i feel today i just have this feeling like no matter how hard you try to make things work out they dont ... maybe tomorow will be diffrent maybe it wont but the only thing i can do is waite and see... im just kinda rambling right now ,, stuck in a time that just ant right something needs to change something needs to happen but what not sure it will come to me soon i hope .. thinking of putting some of my writings on here might maybe that will help me vent... i guess everyone feels like that sometime...