Angel of the Night's blog: "Just Stuff"

Failed two math quizes in Probabilty and Statistics, Stressing about personal relationships with my Gameing Buddy, His new Girlfriend, and my love intrest in Atlanta, My dog was injured, and my Grandfather Passed away.. all THIS WEEK.. kill me now...

I feel, like I have survivved a very large eathquake.. you know?

Nothing is broken or ruined.. but every thing feels weird and different..

it is unerving..

I guess I need time to adjust..

So.. yea.. No one reads this.. and this is my first blog in ages.. but Fubar is going to be my new Net home.. Its the only site that I'm on, that my Realy Family hasn't found me on, and one where the men who have/are hurting me are not at.

but love stinks yea..

I've been in love with two men for ages, Carmen and Corey... Corey and I have been "friends" for ages, we go back before 2003 I think.. and Ive had a crush on him for about as long.. well recently It happens that it became more than a crush, but at the same time.. not more than a crush (AKA he fucked me, but we are not in a relationship) This is because we live 5 hours apart and don't see each other much..

Well, at one point I "gave up" on Corey and started dating Carmen (A dude, Italian family name) we broke up after about 3 months, but stayed friends.. but again, slightly more than friends (im good enough for the occasional blow job or hand job but nothing more). When we broke up, he told me that I "needed to focus on myself." I suppose that I deluded myself into thinking that he was trying to help me do that, by keeping me near so that he could help me out (hes "rescued me" from a few sticky situations), and then one day we might rekindle our relationship.

Anyway.. I get some bad medical news, and have to go in for surgery..  and suddenly Corey pops up again, When I am "recovering from surgery" December of '08 I decide to get away from home and visit him. And we resume or relationship...   We stayed in touch, and i continued on with Carmen at the same time (because Neither of them are official with me, none have "claimed" me as theirs so i am free to play around) a few months later, when I get out of class for the semester I spent another weekend with Corey. and we kept in touch till a few weeks after my B-day in September. Then he dropped off the planet (there was some worry on his part about having to move or find a new roommate ect, so I kinda get it that he was busy and stressed) He did send me a Christmas E-card tho

Well, last night, I find out that Carmen is going to try daring this nice girl whom I am friends with (he was hooked up with her by his sister) she is 10 years younger than I am, and heavy set but she is pretty of face, something I am not. Thing is she is a nice girl, but not very smart you know.. flunked out of community college, and is going to go into Cosmetology classes (In my opinion the only people who usually take those are people who can't handle "real schooling" but are somewhat talented) She just doesn't seem right for him..

I suppose that the only good thing about all this is she dosen't want to get in the way of Carmen's and Mine friendship. (the BJ and HJ stuff tapered off months ago, now he just hang out)Then, after spending the day with all of them, acting like I'm not hurt(because I should not be) I came home, and tried to call Corey, and got an answer, we talked on the phone for half an hour... I mentioned that my Sister and mother want to go to Atlanta to see the zoo ect, and he seemed like he liked the idea of be coming there again..

The problem is.. I can't just sleep with some random guy I meet at a club or some shit like that (for one thing no one wants me, and for two I see sex as something between two people with feelings for each other) So.. I don't have many option when it comes tho who I am comfortable with, so if it goes in teh direction.. I will more than liekly sleep with corey..

At this point, I truly feel like I love Corey (Don't ask me why, love is stupid). With Carmen, I am just afraid of losing someone who has been a big part of my life the last three years and who is a pretty damned good friend to me as well.. In fact, I am right now trying to ask him if he will help me get my dog to a vets office, looks like she hurt her leg again.

At the end of the day tho...All I want is to find a man who likes me for me.. one who won't care that I just brush my hair into a pony tail, and I prefer Jeans and a T-shirts and simple jewelry to Name brand clothes and Gold and Diamond rings.

A guy that would be happy that I don't spend hundreds of dollars on makeup and hair care products, clothes and Jewelry. All I need to survive is Soap, Shapmoo, Conditioner, Toothbrush and Toothpaste, a sturdy pair of Jeans, and love....

 I am a low manitinanace, shy, loyal and careing woman, who if given the chance could be the best thing to happen to the right guy...