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It has been total hell and couldn't end soon enough. My sister and brother in law lost their jobs and had to move in with us, My mother got injured on the job and then instead of sending her to workman's comp they made her keep working and eventually fired her for "not being able to do the duties of work" so we're in a lawsuit over all that which is taking WAY too long, they've decided that she's too screwed up physically to go back to work so now both of My parents AND I am all on disability. I have been all My life and My father was injured on the job over 5 yrs ago so is now. Our house payment went up and the morons didn't say $811.23 they simply said $811 a month so that's what they recieved and they refused it, and since we were already behind on it, they have started foreclosure so the house we spent 15 years of our lives working on and trying to finish while on our fixed budgets is about to be gone. Some days I wish I could just go into the hospital for some stupid reason having to do with My disability simply for the chance to get the hell away from stress even for a week. Why am I posting this you ask? I don't care whether you even read it or what you say about it to be honest but I just had to get it out of My system. It has taken pretty much all I have in Me for about 3 months now not to just break down on a regular basis and totally just lose it emotionally. Okay I don't know what really else to say but if you want to discuss any of this or have any questions that My blog in general doesn't answer, feel free.
SUCK(S)! Forgive Me but I just can't seem to even fake good moods anymore near this time of year. I'm usually single and sick of all the "happy couples" and I'm in constant pain 24/7 and there isn't anything that can be done for it. Pain pills only work for about an hour and then I'm back to the pain. I usually attempt to hide My pain and depression from society and everyone says "you are always in such a happy upbeat mood. I don't know how you do it.". Its called acting people. And if you don't know Me or what I go through daily seriously, don't judge or start thinking I am just whining until you can get the facts!
Sorry had to get that out of My system.
So yeah....I'm so sick of being single (online and/or offline....I'd be happy to have someone either way to be honest)....sick of rejections...sick of games....sick of women putting out little hints that I can't seem to pick up....so simply, with Me, if you are interested say something for crying out loud!
sometimes just what I should think/do....everytime I go to the doctors that I see, they seem to remind Me that in the next few years, I am going to either have to plan on a possible kidney transplant attempt and/or that with My disability, the average life expectancy in the first place is a maximum of 40 and I am nearly 36 now. I just wonder sometimes if I should keep fighting and trying to survive and everything or say h#ll with it and let nature just take its course and not care. I mean if I'm going to die supposedly in the next 4 years approximately anyway what's the purpose right? Yeah okay so all of this is obviously rhetorical in nature since really no one would truly understand what I am going through/go through regularly unless you have My disability or a family member/friend with it. I guess I just needed to get it partially out of My system.
My dream in life....well one of them.....believe it or not is simple....a bit expensive but simple. I am disabled and in a wheelchair for anyone that has no idea already. I have a bad back so it is getting harder to get around and would give deep gratitude if I could get a handbike attachment for My chair. They usually run about 1500 bucks is the problem. I think I uploaded a couple pics of basically what I would like something similar to.
