THIS IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, it is in general to every one who knows me and is being made public on all sites since this is the account im on
so im sick as a dog tonight as ive been since monday night. dont know if its something in the apt or not since i feel fine when im not here. im going to the dr tomorrow for not just this but possible to get something for stress.
i cant take the stupidity of people anymore, people in general work, friends, family, strangers, any of it. so i may talk to him bout that. as for me being a pawn i can garrentee i am, but with much thought it isnt as it once seemed. everything you said was true to a point, whats the twist it sure isnt the knife in my back so im not telling anyone atm. bottom line is this some times it is better to be a pretty little fool than to know and face the truth about those you care about in anyway. (the great gasby) i dont need to grow up since im one of the few who is, i wont hide from my demons or problems, i dont need to be some pawn of a monkey in the friggin middle, and i dont need some 13yr old mind playing both sides of the field causing more crap that i dont need. to every single person in my life. i will not fight for you any more, i will not stand up for you, i will not under any circumstance help you with loans, strenth, advice nor anything else you ask me for or need. since most of my friends are quite lame except a few i will be just as they made me, just like them, no calls no email, or anything. on holidays i wont remeber to call or send anything, if you have a problem deal with it by yourself as i have to. find your own way out, turn to your family like i cant. sure i have a 2 bedroom apt all alone but when you get thrown out n need a warm dry place to stay go find a box in a warm ally cause you aint stayin with me. you want to be blind and not use logic fine its your life and your loss, you want to be a taker and never give unless forced, you want to be a child and run away from the issue so be it, you want to assume things fine by me. i official am at the point i just dont care. i have been here in my apt all week sick and no one called but one person, no one asked do you need anything, are you ok, you got meds, food, tissue ect... why did no one ask cause no one cares. lets see im always busy with something bt i always made time for those important to me. but im not important to most of you just to 2 maybe 3 people.
yes its been a fun week, i got used and used as a pawn, im sick, some sexed craved ass had my account killled on here cause i turned him down and deleted him wanna talk about childish. ive lost money, my writ are getting worse, my eyes are killing me cause i tried to be normal like you all wanted and used the drops for my eyes and it fuked me up with more pain and now my vision is worse. my dreams are getting worse and worse the night terrors have been non stop since im sleeping more cause of meds. i look like a cow in all my pics from last week for some reason and the best is the burn on my hand from 2 weeks ago is not healing at all, not to mention the whole family thing. and now i have to deal with more crap. i dont have it in me, i havent had any fight left in me since last june.... ive been quite dead inside for almost a year. no one knew that, no one saw or noticed i hid it from the world, why? cause that was the worse of it all from the last yr. i can say this if things dont change soon im going to just up and go, see i can do that my job can be done anywhere so its not a work thing holding me back its my friends since my family doesnt really exist in the family knit way, i stay for my own reasons. i doubt any one but jamie wil read this all the way to the end maybe one other. but yes phones work both ways, holidays come and go, dates and day trips go on going, pictures get taken, people look in the secret myspace way, we make money and spend it, we are selfish, and ignorant, wasteful, and rude, hurtful and hurt. we are all just human, no matter how quiet or loud we are about our feelings they still get hurt, we still get fed up, we grow cold and sucluded, we lash out one last time and then disapper. just as history will and always does repeat ots self untill we learn i too will relive all of this crap.
and what happened to john goodman? he was the new voice of dunkin doughnuts last yr whered he go?
