Just Matt - At a cross road again...
A whirl wind of emotions,
Conflicting desires, wants, and needs
Strong battling notions of remorse, regret, and fear of the future
Who am I any more? What am I looking for?
There was a time, but I can’t remember when
I was happy, understood the vast world around me…
I knew what made me tick, had the answers to it all…
Or so I thought…..
Then…. CRASH… my world was shattered…
Everything was a lie… all my beliefs, core values,
All the trust, love, commitment, and loyalty I gave… Thrown away…
Everything in my small realm of experience…
Was shattered in to tiny little pieces of Matt that can’t be put back together…
So, time to build a new Matt…
I’ve been pawing through the rubbish… finding a small piece that will fit…
Diligently I push on in the pursuit to find a piece of me…
Finding pieces I’ve never seen before… putting them together once more…
I’m finally starting to make a form… nothing like it was before…
I never imagined I’d turn into this… Is this really who I am?...
“Accept it” I tell myself… “be content with the new you”…
“Yes, everything you believe, you basic construct, has changed, but it’s you”…
So finally… I start to see the light, a new path to follow…
Unique, never have I seen it before… finally feeling comfortable in my new form…
I’ve been looking hard, searching, seeking… and just when I think I know what I am…
Or so I thought…..
CRASH… I’m shattered again….
Starting over… I face the simple questions that get so complicated….
What do I want?
What do I desire?
What do I need?
Will there ever be a path to happiness for me?
Is there true love? Is love just a passing fancy?
Will any one ever take me for who I am? And if not… what do I have to become?
I had a friend tell me once….
“Matt, there are many simple men with complex needs…
Many complex men with simple needs….
You’re the rare outsider… A complex man with complex needs”
I know that is was said with good intentions, but is there an answer to the riddle of me?
Why can’t there be a plan…. WHO THE FUCK AM I?
And so start the ramblings of lost man.......