Kiwicherry's blog: "just keep swimmin"

It's been a while since I blogged. Well, what's been going on in Lorrie's life? Lots! School. Work. Kids. Steve. Lots! School: I have 6 more weeks of classes, then I can take my externship. I have to take my Med Law class along w the externship, but that shouldnt be too bad. I'm taking 16 credit hours, 2 clinicals. I'm loving it all, even tho I'm stressed. I really think this is where I need to be careerwise. I'm really soulsearching about what kind of office I should request. I feel the pull to go to Peds, but I also have interest in General practice. I'm really trying to keep it all together and keep my grades up. Being a single mom is rough, especially with my boys. Work: I filled in for a sick coworker for 12 weeks. Full time. UGH However, she's back and I'm back to part time... kinda.. Kids: Kira is doing well in school. She was on the Honor Roll :) The boys, well, that's been rough. I knew it wasnt gonna be easy, finding out the kids have Autism. But I never knew it ws gonna be like this. My first worry was if I'd done this to them. I dunno. The meds I took while pregnant was to keep them healthy enough so they would be ok when they were born. Ive fought for so long for answers, you'd think when I start getting some, I'd be relieved. Yes and no. I worry constantly that what I'm doing for them is the best, like every other mom, but then I also second guess myself. My kids are different. They need extra patience. Sometimes; life doesnt afford us those luxuries. I know now why I have such a strong will. I'm gonna have to be a fighter for my kids for the rest of my life. We all have battles, but some things I know my boys wont be able to do, especially James. I know God only gives us what we can handle, I'm just wondering where is the strength he sees in me? It's gotta be there I guess. It has to be :) Steve: What did I do right to deserve this man? When I feel like a screwup, he looks at me and tells me I'm wonderful. I dont feel wonderful, but he thinks I am. He and I have our rough spots, but we work it out. I have made some really bad decisions about my love life in the past. Steve is the one good choice I've made. He makes me want to be a better person, and yet he accepts me when I'm not so good. He puts me in my place when I'm outta control and he sticks by me. Overall, life has been moving forward. Finally. The last few years has seen much loss. There's been alot of endings in my life. I'd been waiting for the beginnings, and it seems as if theyre finally coming. Relationships are getting to a place where they should have been years ago. I'm learning how to handle the obstacles in my life is a better way. There are people coming into my life who really make it worth living.

I'm held by a string It keeps me from moving forward, so I pull it in tight. It pulls back and I fall on my face. So I lie in the dirt, crying from the pain as I pick myself up, sigh and try again. I let it go. Then I find myself spiraling out of control and I brace for the impact as I once again fall on my face. So I lie in the dirt, crying from the pain as I pick myself up, sigh and try again. I repeat the cycle time and time again the results not changing. My face is bruised, bloodied and broken my tears washing away the dirt. I sit; defeated as I sob, I notice a glint of metal next to me. Scissors. Why didnt I look for another answer? Who knows. So I cut the string. And I fall into a pile of soft feathers. My tears are gently kissed away and my wounds are healed. I look behind me. It's dark. Oh well. I fall asleep and dream.

Working with an Individual with Asperger Syndrome Children with Asperger's Disorder may present a challenge for educators. While they appear capable and are good with memorization and factual information, they may be weak in comprehension and cognitively inflexible. Educators need to capitalize on their abilities, discovering their strengths and interests in order to develop their talents. People with Asperger's Disorder particularly need assistance in developing their social and communication skills. Children and young adults who received social and communications skills training are better able to express themselves, understand language and become more skillful at communicating with others, increasing their likelihood of successful social interactions. Early intervention means a better chance for independent living and further education. While few programs are designed specifically to address Asperger's Disorder, some of the treatment approaches used for people with "high functioning" Autism, such as Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) and Treatment & Education of Autistic and Related Communication of Handicapped Children (TEACCH), may be appropriate for a person with Asperger Syndrome. ABA is based on the idea that behavior rewarded will more likely be repeated. ABA is typically done on a one-to-one basis and may focus on specific behaviors and communication skills. TEACCH was developed at the School of Medicine at the University of North Carolina as a structured teaching approach that used the child's visual and rote memory strengths to improve communication, social and coping skills. Pictures and charts that show a daily schedule help the child with Asperger's Disorder to anticipate what will happen during the day. This is particularly important for children with Asperger's Disorder since they usually have difficulties with changes in routine. Educational Issues Because children with Asperger's Disorder may be only mildly affected, they may begin school prior to being diagnosed. During the elementary years, behavioral issues and immaturity may be a problem but academically, these children frequently do quite well. The ability to memorize information, do calculations and focus intensively serves them well. But as they move through the school system, difficulties with social skills, language and obsessive behaviors become more problematic and may leave them vulnerable to teasing from classmates. Getting special education services may be difficult because children with AS have normal or above normal intelligence and appear capable. However, every child with disabilities is guaranteed a free, appropriate public education through the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Keep in mind that IDEA establishes that an appropriate educational program must be provided, not necessarily an "ideal" program or the one you feel is best for your child. The law specifies that educational placement should be determined individually for each child, based on that child's specific needs, not solely on the diagnosis or category. No one program or amount of services is appropriate for all children with disabilities. It is important that you work with the school to obtain the educational support and services that your child needs. The first step should be a comprehensive needs assessment that will become the blueprint for your child's educational plan. Then, in collaboration with your child's school and teachers, develop a well-defined and thorough Individualized Education Plan (IEP). The IEP is a written document that outlines the child's individual educational program, tailored to his or her needs. A program appropriate for one child with Asperger's Disorder may not be appropriate for another. While many children with Asperger's Disorder may participate in mainstream society, they still need support services. Teachers need to be informed that these children are not simply acting up or being difficult. Counselors can provide emotional support and assist with social skills, helping children with AS to learn how to react to social cues and situations. Children with Asperger's Disorder may use a "buddy" who serves as a role model for social situations and may facilitate interactions with others by explaining appropriate behavior. Speech and language therapists may help in the use of appropriate language and occupational therapists can deal with delays in motor development. Dr. Stephen Bauer, a developmental pediatrician at the Pediatric Development Center of Unity Health in Rochester, New York, suggests that the most important step in helping children with Asperger's Disorder is for schools to recognize that the child has "an inherent developmental disorder which causes him/her to behave and respond in a different way from other students." Because children with Asperger's Disorder respond best to a regular, organized routine, Bauer recommends the use of charts and pictures to help the child visualize the day and to prepare him or her for any changes in advance. Bauer also emphasizes the need to avoid power struggles since children with Asperger's Disorder will become more rigid and stubborn if confronted or forced.

Characteristics The essential features of Asperger's Disorder are severe and sustained impairment in social interaction and the development of restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interest, and activity. The disturbance must clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, and other important areas of functioning. In contrast to Autistic Disorder, there are no clinically significant delays in language. In addition there are no clinically significant delays in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior, and curiosity about the environment in childhood. A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following: Marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction Failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level A lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people) Lack of social or emotional reciprocity B. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following: Encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus Apparently inflexible adherence to specific, non-functional routines or rituals Stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements) Persistent preoccupation with parts of objects C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years) E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood. F. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

Here's some information about Asperger's syndrome, something that impacts my life. Asperger's Disorder was first described in the 1940s by Viennese pediatrician Hans Asperger who observed autistic-like behaviors and difficulties with social and communication skills in boys who had normal intelligence and language development. Many professionals felt Asperger's Disorder was simply a milder form of autism and used the term "high-functioning autism" to describe these individuals. Professor Uta Frith, with the Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience of University College London and author of Autism and Asperger Syndrome, describes individuals with Asperger's Disorder as "having a dash of Autism." Asperger's Disorder was added to the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) in 1994 as a separate disorder from autism. However, there are still many professionals who consider Asperger's Disorder a less severe form of autism. What distinguishes Asperger's Disorder from autism is the severity of the symptoms and the absence of language delays. Children with Asperger's Disorder may be only mildly affected and frequently have good language and cognitive skills. To the untrained observer, a child with Asperger's Disorder may just seem like a normal child behaving differently. Children with autism are frequently seen as aloof and uninterested in others. This is not the case with Asperger's Disorder. Individuals with Asperger's Disorder usually want to fit in and have interaction with others; they simply don't know how to do it. They may be socially awkward, not understanding of conventional social rules, or may show a lack of empathy. They may have limited eye contact, seem to be unengaged in a conversation, and not understand the use of gestures. Interests in a particular subject may border on the obsessive. Children with Asperger's Disorder frequently like to collect categories of things, such as rocks or bottle caps. They may be proficient in knowing categories of information, such as baseball statistics or Latin names of flowers. While they may have good rote memory skills, they have difficulty with abstract concepts. One of the major differences between Asperger's Disorder and autism is that, by definition, there is no speech delay in Asperger's. In fact, children with Asperger's Disorder frequently have good language skills; they simply use language in different ways. Speech patterns may be unusual, lack inflection or have a rhythmic nature or it may be formal, but too loud or high pitched. Children with Asperger's Disorder may not understand the subtleties of language, such as irony and humor, or they may not understand the give and take nature of a conversation. Another distinction between Asperger's Disorder and autism concerns cognitive ability. While some individuals with Autism experience mental retardation, by definition a person with Asperger's Disorder cannot possess a "clinically significant" cognitive delay and most possess an average to above average intelligence. While motor difficulties are not a specific criteria for Asperger's, children with Asperger's Disorder frequently have motor skill delays and may appear clumsy or awkward.

I got my car back from the shop. I bought my own parts and they put them in for me, so it cost 400 bucks. Not as bad but still bad enough. I'm just happy to get my car back! :)

My brakes blew up on the way to school yesterday. FUN. I took the car to the shop, it needs drums, shoes, and brake cylinders for both rear wheels. I'm a very unhappy camper at the moment.

OK, I'm really trying this whole 'getting along' thing. It's not easy, because my ex drives me nuts. He's one of those guys that's a great person to have at a party. he's the guy that people call because 'Bob's fun to hang around with'. But, try having kids and having some type of relationship with him. He tries, I really think he does, but he just doesnt get it. Sine we split, I've had RESPONSIBILITY major, and I've managed to do ok. I'm rather proud of the fact I've brought my life to a good place. My kids are doing better, which was my main focus in all of this. However, WTF am I supposed to say when the ex tells me things like "It hurts to see you doing so well" or "It was easier to think you were a raving bitch, but now youre doing so well, im thinking I might have screwed up the best thing to happen to me". It doesnt make me want to be back with him. Not one bit. I have moved on, and it's ok. I try and walk the fine line of niceness, but I feel as if there's things I need to distance myself from. But, there's this part of me that wants to say "Quit whining you asshole, you fucked it up, deal with it. You should have realized how great I am a looooong time ago, but you felt the need to abuse me. I got a clue, now u need to go get one." But, I can't. So, I blog.

My youngest started kindergarten this week. :( I'm one happy but sad momma.