Army Cowboy's blog: "just for fun"

" "When the going gets tough, the tough go cyclic." - US Army Ranger saying from "Black Hawk Down" (the book)

this song is the shit and fits "me and my gang" well!!!!
Rascal Flatts - Me lyrics MERRY MEET AND BLESSED BE

A professor at the University of Alabama was giving a lecture of the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Bubba replied, "Shiiiit! From way back thar I thought you said "Goats."

The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident. 89% of the people in the normal states said: ''Oh, shit!'' In redneck states 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.''

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?" --Lee Iacocca ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

there were 4 aliens that went to earth. they separated and went to tour around earth. even if they dunno english. the first alien went to a music class. students: do re MI! so the first alien learnt the word "MI!" the second alien went to a pie shop and stole a pie from a kid. kid: she stole my pie! so the second alien learnt the phrase"she stole my pie". the third alien went to a restaurant. and heard a woman say: woman: fork and knife! so the third alien learnt the pharse" fork and knife!" the last alien went to a football match. when the soccer player shoot a goal,he cheered! soccer player: yes! so the last alien learnt to cheer "yes!" then they all came back to the park and saw a dead woman. the police stopped and asked them some questions police:who killed her? alien1:MI! police:why did u kill her? alien2:she stole my pie! police:how did u kill her? alien3: fork and knife! police:You are all going to jail! alien4: YES!

These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years. First guy asks the second guy, 'How have things been going?' The second guy speaking very slowly, tells the first guy, I.....w...a...s......a...l...m...o...s..t..m...a...r...r...i...e..d' The first guy says in amazement, 'Hey, you've lost your stutter!' The reply comes, Y..e..s, .I....w..e..n..t.....t..o.....a.....d..o..c..t.o..r......a..n..d. . he...... t..o..l..d..... m..e.... t..h..a..t..... i..f..... I...... s..p..e...a..k..... s..l..o..w.l..y...... I .... w..o..u..l..d..... n..o..t.... s..t..u...t..t..e..r.' The friend congratulates him and then asks about how he was almost married. 'W..e..l..l,..... m..y..... f..i..a..n..c..e..e....a..n..d........ I...... w..e...r..e..... s..i.t..t..i..n..g.... o..n.....h..e..r....... p..o..r..c..h... a..n...d.... t..h..e...d..o..g... w..a..s.. s...c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n....g...... h..i..s....b..a..c..k....s.o..... I..... t..o..l..d.... h.e..r......t...h..a.t......w...h..e..n..... w..e.....a..r..e....m..a..r..r..i..e.d,.... s..h..e...... c..a .n...... d..o.....t..h..a..t..... f..o..r..... m..e...... a..n..d.....t..h..e..n.... s.h..e.... t..h..r..e..w....... t..h..e..... r..i..n..g.....i..n..... m..y..... f..a..c..e' Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?' asks the friend. 'W..e..l..l,..........I.....s..p..e..a..k..s..o.....s..l..o..w.l..y,..... t..h..a..t....b. .y.....t..h .e...... t..i...m...e..... s.h..e..... l..o..o..k..e..d .a..t . t..h..e ... .d..o..g,..... h..e . w..a..s.......l..i..c..k..i..n..g .h..i..s ..... b..a..l..l..s.'

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. ''What are you going to do with the prize money?'' the officer asked. The man responded, ''I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license.'' At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, ''Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk.'' This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, ''I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car.'' At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked ''Are we over the border yet?''