MinE's blog: "Just blabbering..."

It's 2pm here in Fla and I just awoke from another wonderful 3hrs of sleep! I think the sarcasm is obvious...I work the overnight shift(11pm-7am) and have been doing so, for the last 2yrs at my current job. Initially everything was fine, I got at least 6hrs a day of sleep and never had a problem with wkend adjustments. But something has just gone absolutely insanely wrong the last 3mnths. I'm barely able to keep my schedule and I can't even remember the joys of a 6hr rest session, let alone anything longer. I can't explain it, but it's really starting to affect me. I'm nodding off on the job, and I operate machinery, so that's not going to work. I'm constantly 'stuck' in neutral because my body never gets a chance to fully rest/re-energize. I've even tried to take sleeping pills(Tylenol PMs ), yet here I am 3hrs later; AWAKE. I really don't have any stress in my life that would be a trigger for this, so I'm just left dumb-founded and tired. Well, I'm off to try again...

Let's just say I had a 'fun' night, last night...but something interesting happened after I had come down from the immediate excitement: it was regret/lack of fulfillment/ and sorrow. I've never really had that. Engaging in 'fun' on a wkend, usually is great. I'm a guy, right! But not this time...as I was driving home, that feeling of 'lack of fulfillment' was already there. I think, I'm at that point in my life where meaningless 'fun' is no longer fulfilling. I'm 24 and have been in relationships, but never really in love. I've cared about girlfriends in a special way, but I've never fully put my heart all the way out. I guess it was a protective mechanism for me, so I wouldn't be hurt. And it worked for the most part. But with that, I don't think I've ever really experienced the joys and intimacy of being in love. I think I'm ready...because it's clear, I no longer want anything meaningless or less committed. I want to befriend, enjoy, and eventually love someone! I know it doesn't happen overnight, but I'm done avoiding/protecting myself from it. It's time to be a man and find mine...

And I can't wait! Growing up in Daytona Beach, being a racing fan isn't odd. But, being an African American F1 fan, probably is! Ever since the early 90's i've enjoyed the engineering marvels that F1 cars are. The atmosphere around the races is 2nd to none and the fanatical support for the manufactures is incredible. A goal of mine is to 1 day attend a race(Monaco or US Grand Prix, if it ever returns)and soak in all that is the F1 experience. And yes, the actual on track racing, isn't going to wow you initially, but it can be extremely interesting and detailed. So, can't wait for sat...

That's what I am, when it comes to this most important upcoming election. I obviously understand the importance of who's in that office for the next 4yrs, but I just haven't become entrenched in the candidates, issues, or race itself. The candidates, from afar at least, seem to be better choices than we had 4yrs ago, but that's not saying much. The issues, some of extreme importance, are ones that i'm not sure 1 person can truly affect without wholesale changes in congress, as well. And the race itself has been quite odd with so many momentum swings by the candidates on both sides of the aisle. Yet, i'm still generally apathetic about the whole situation. Although, i'm sure i'll be complaining in 2yrs about whoever is in office, as if i had cared now. To me, the best thing about this election, is who will be leaving office! Maybe, by November, my attitude will have changed and i'll be excited about casting my vote...but who knows

I love to drive in the overnight hours when there's hardly any traffic and you can pick your own speed. I absolutely hate driving during peak hours when there so many idiots and older(sorry to generalize, but its true)people are on the roads. There so many slow and overly cautious drivers out there that it just leaves me so damn frustrated to the point that I just want to run them over and keep on going! The only issues during the overnight hours is that its much easier for cops to catch you doing whatever, because there aren't that many cars on the road. But i'll take that risk any day rather than deal with so many 2500lb road blocks..

What, you may ask? It's THE NCAA Tournament! I'm a sports nut; I've sat from 10am to 2am in front of a tv on a college football saturday before. And there's no doubt that's my favorite sport, but the tournament stands alone as an event. From the gambling aspect, with the office pools, to the cinderella teams, its got it all! The games themselves are usually exciting and well played. You've got 48 games the 1st weekend alone! Luckily, I can watch the weekday games(I work the overnights)without missing work. Plus, my fav team won the last two yrs! That certainly doesn't hurt the event from my perspective :). Unfortunately they won't be winning this yr :( hell, probably not even in it. But it's still going to be great and I can't wait

Don't you just hate it when your more interested in someone, than they are in you? Especially when you just can't get a definative no. I'm probably just an idiot, for ignoring all the signs and possibly being strung along, by not moving on. It's really unusual for me to be this way; I'm usually the one who's less interested. But something just won't let me give up until I get a real chance with her or a flat out NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED. I've turned away/put on hold other girls(basically sex)interested in me. All for that glimmer of hope...Maybe I need to go through this, to understand how I've been with other girls. Hopefully I'll be better for it...or maybe it'll actually work out and she'll see me, in the same light, as I see her! SEE, I still can't let go of that glimmer...