sometimes when i feel hopeless and alone in this world and i wish all my problems would just disappear and go away. i dream someday someone would help me start over take some of the burdens i try so hard to remedy my self but I can't no matter how much i try those times of powerlessness come and i pray for the strength to bear with it. though i no longer have the tears to cry anymore, the quilt I carry remains. Once I worked and cared for my family was able to travel and give my family the comforts that i was afforded. the last couple of years have been hard and extremely difficult and what i took for granted was gone. I have learned to accept what i no longer have. I have blamed myself because of the poor choices I have made in life not all of this was true. when i had I gave My time heart and love without a thought or recognition. I still give my heart and love because I refuse to believe that should stop because i have nothing I am still in this world and I have to believe I still have alot to offer.
My dream is this; One day a knock is on the door A man comes to the door and he introduces himself as a lawyer. A lawyer all I can think of is What did that freak brother frank do to ruin our lives now. this Man has had us sued for making the neighbors ill by burning treated wood in the garage the house was almost lost because of his drug problems and bailed him out of jail too many times to count but is the preferred son of the three remaining children by My mother she all but cannonized him but I am very nervous what now have we lost the house and become homeless and this man has come to give us notice but no he has come to see me and I ask him why am I in trouble he laughs and say no he tells me his employer wishes to help me. I'm weak and so taken aback I cry and ask why?
He tells me his employer see's something in me something real that what whatever i have would be shared and would make other people lives better. All i could think yes i need and want but My thomas this wonderful hardworking man what can i do for him. the lawyer asks what do you want what do YOU really want. I say to him I want all debts and bills paid this home fixed and restored so my mom can come home and live comfortable and my brother not to worry if the oil or light bill is paid instead of my mothers social security check going to the morgage and her doing without her medicine that she can have clean home and not worry about tomorrow she maybe sick and bitter but she still is my mother. my next problem is frank I need to have him faraway enough to not cause us anymore pain. Next thing i really need is all my daughters needs to be met. I promiced her thatI would give her everything I never had I have my love but thats not enough she has a future I want to give her that option. she also has a friend i want her to also have a future i love her because she gave my daughter what i couldn't give her a friendship you see this child took a lonely isolated child and gave her the attention my daughter needed i want for both to live their dreams. too be continued
