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i am dead

I am dead to this world and to everyone in it......i feel as though that i can't live in it anymore....feeling pain and hurt is not what i want.....what i want is to feel loved not to feel like a fool.......and not trust anyone that i have known for long..... I am dead.......cuz i have slit once more of myself not for the pain but to know if it is real.....if my life is real....to know that i can chose if i want to have death take me or if he will refuse my again.......for he has already refused me more then once.......and the fact that i have seen him more then once in my life....... I am dead knowing that i am a sad and lonely person once again.....i believe this how i am meant to be alone in this cold world.....full of light yet i am stuck here in the darkness....... i thought love was with me but it was all a lie i can't shake this feeling that.....I am dead.... Too see death standing before you......wouldn't that mean that you are dead.....and that you are on a journey to hell or to be judged.....to place you where you belong.....i may just stay here because this i know that there is nothing for me anywhere......I am dead too all .......to myself.....to you... and everyone and to everything.............
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