SO I'm up at 4 am this morning... part of that whole working out thing... which I still don't thuroughly enjoy but must be done... about 5 I come back to my computer and see my cousin has popped on and has this strange status... so I ask him whats up.... the gist of it is he's 38 years old, has been sperated more or less from his wife for 3 years... they've been together for 10 and he's just now realizing that she is THE ONE.... but he could have very well lost her.... She's still here in MO while he's been off in GA for the past few years making his big money.... during the time they've been seperated he's lived with two other women... which of course has chipped away at his wife's heart... these were ultimately just test for her... to see if she would finally let him go... in our family we learn at an early age that we aren't truly deserving of love... even tho his parents have always been together and he hasnt' been as exposed as the rest of us to certain things... it just goes to show you how your upbringing can really influence your life... and this morning he points it out to me... and says... look at you even... 3 years you've been single... granted your divorce wasn't by choice... but you can't tell me you haven't met anyone you could have loved in the past 3 years....
So I reflected... and I looked back really thinking about things... I have loved a few people and could have continued to let certain relationships evolve... but they would have fizzled for reasons.... and yeah I'll admit it, I'm scared to death to be loved like I should be... but I'd at least give it a try.... I just need someone who WANTS to hold my interest long enough and who's interest I want to hold for longer than a minute....
Once again I more than likely haven't made a lick of sense... just rambling... more reflections on the ewie love stuff later....
