I, the Penis, request a pay raise due to the following reasons. 1)I do physical labor. 2)I work at great depths. 3)I plunge head first into everything I do. 4)I work weekends and holidays. 5)I work in dark areas with poor ventilation. 6)I work in high temperatures. 8)My work exposes me to disease.
Dear Mr. Penis, your request has been denied due too the following observations. 1)You dont work a full 8-hour shift. 2)You fall asleep after each brief work period. 3)You do not remain in your designated work area and are often found in other locations. 4)You do not take initiative and have to be stimulated to begin your work. 5)You leave your work area messy at the end of each shift. 6)You are unable to work overtime or double shifts. 7)You sometimes leave your designated area before completing the assigned task. 8)You have constantly been seen leaving the work area with two suspicious bags.
We apologize..Sincerely, Management
