So yea I am so over whelmed. Im tryin to get out on my own so I look to the state for help but they will not help untill I move out. Yet, the whole reason I have to ask for help is IN ORDER TO move out. It just doesnt make since to me.
Im also really stressed over child support drama. I have no one who will help me and it looks like a lot of shit that Im gonna be goij through. Dna testing on Daniel and his son Aiden then court dates and of course the best part of all the waiting game. God why does everythign have to be so damn hard right now and confusing.
ANother reason IM totally stressed my whlel body is TOATLLY fucked up. After the miscarriage last month (Which I STILL have not told my mom about) my whole cycle has gone topsy turvey. It has no damn clue what the hell it wants to do now. Im also soooo over these damn B/C pills they gave me. WHats the point if Im not with anyone, right?
Aiden is stressin me out like usual. I know he misses his daddy. I wish I could explain to him what happened but how do you tell a 2 year old that their dad is a cheating asshole that only cares about himself? I mean I KNOW this and I still miss him. I feel really bad like I should have done something better everytime I look at Aiden and remember all the good times him, me and his daddy had. But Daniel is the reason my whole life IS topsy Turvey right now so, I jus gotta look forward, but DAMN its soo hard.
And finally how do u kill the pain? I mean the pain of hurt, guilt, regret, sorrow? Im soooo over it all. I mean I didnt do anything wrong. I wasnt the one who couldnt stay faithful but of course liek always I FEEL like Im to blame. I hope once I start my new bartending job tonight everything will begin to look up...
well thanks for listening to me ramble...ttyl
