Jokes Blog by Thick N Sexy
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Thick N Sexy's blog: "Jokes"

created on 02/02/2007  |  http://fubar.com/jokes/b51132
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you." The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular) The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.
1. If someone is nice enough to rate you, rate them back. Men... DO NOT BE AFRAID TO RATE OTHER MEN! No one is asking you to date them... Just to Rate them~~~ 2. If you dont like someones photo, leave it and dont rate it at all. Just pass on it. Dont bother to rate it at all. You would not walk up to a stranger on the street and say... Feck man.. I would give you a 2... So why the feck you wanna do it here??? 3. If you dont like someone, dont talk to them. Block them. Babyjesus and Scrapper work hard to make blocks and things. You dont like them... Block them. Dont talk to them. 4. If someone is nice enough to fan you, fan them back. It is a nice way of saying thank you. And you both are getting points for it. 5. Keep your bs out of other peoples bulletins. Marq and Achilles are wonderful for bringing their shit to the bulletins of others. Why? Because they are mindless cowards and have nothing going on in their lives to fulfill them. Thus, they add people to their lists, then make mockeries of them by posting their bs drama in the bulletins of those they call their friends. Honestly, If you must show your Queen Status (Yes, Marq, I am talking about you) by making an ass of yourself in someone elses bulletins, then you are pathetic. Sick, Sad, Pathetic.
***ATTENTION*** ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND INTELLIGENT PEOPLE. YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE.

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Alright ladies, it's that time of year once again!!! I think we need to be reminded of a few things. So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me below The Open Toed Shoe Pledge As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes: I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good. I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them. I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are only $20 and worth EVERY penny). I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals. Don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other sisters.
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight." He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh SHIT," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House" He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife replied, "The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess."
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