Darkness NZ's blog: "jokes n funnies"

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!' and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'. The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. 'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around. There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner.. 'I think my missus caught a glimpse....'

A Glasgow senior citizen drove his brand new BMW convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew along the M8, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. 'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120mph, then 130mph, then 140mph. Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited 10 minutes for the police car to catch up with him. Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go' The man looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.' 'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman.