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arkainedrk's blog: "About me?"

created on 09/07/2007  |  http://fubar.com/about-me/b125602

Jokes 1

1. What do Jell-O and a woman have in common? ---They both wiggle when you eat them. 2. What is a Yankee? ---The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. 3. What do women and condoms have in common? ---They both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis. 4. What do you call two skunks that are 69ing? ---Odor eaters. 5. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? ---A Lickalotopuss. 6. Why do men name their penis? ---They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions. 7. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? ---Snowballs. 8. What does a rooster have that a man wants? ---A hard pecker. 9. What kind of bees give milk? ---Boo bees. 10. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as? ---Speed bumps. 11. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? ---They both like a tight seal. 12. Why do only 30% of women get into Heaven? ---If it were more, it would be Hell. 13. What has three teeth and sixty feet? --- The front row at a Willy Nelson concert. 14. What is the new gay Internet address? ---c: enter 15. What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? ---They're right! We do taste like chicken! 16. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? ---The balls are just for decoration. 17. What did the banana say to the vibrator? ---What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat ME! 18. Why do girls rub their eyes in the morning? ---They have no balls to scratch 19. What is the difference between erotic and kinky? ---Erotic is using a feather ... kinky is using the whole chicken. 20. What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? ---About three inches. 21. How do you make a hormone? ---Don't pay her. 22. What do you call a gay dinosaur? ---A Megasorass. 23. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ---One..Men will screw anything. 24. What do Michael Jackson and a grocery bag have in common? ---They are both made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with. 25. What is the mating call of a blonde? --- "I'm sooooo drunk!" ------------------------------------------------- "Three ducks go into a bar." "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck. "Huey," was the reply. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles." ------------------------------------------------- A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!" The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?" The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!" The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?" "Because the shit is running down my back!" ------------------------------------------------- "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor." the husband said "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself!". ------------------------------------------------- A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice that the girl knows just as much about the game as they do, and they're really impressed. After the game they ask her "how is it that you know so much about baseball?" She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change." The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "Was it when they cut off your balls?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "What was the most painful part?" "The part that hurt the most was when they... cut my salary in half!" -------------------------------------------------
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